Dear Sasha I was wondering if you have any information on sex dolls. I am a person with no time at all for a serious relationship. I want to know about the sensation, I mean how different could it be? We’re talking like a 200-buck doll. I need to know if it’s a good buy.
—Mr. Need to Know

Dear Need,
I’m going to suggest you visit the Web site www.jackinworld.com where they offer loads of intriguing tips on a wide variety of masturbation techniques and where you can join message boards and ask men who may have had some experience with sex dolls and/or the various genital stimulators/simulators on the market. I am fairly certain that given your financial limitations, an item called the Fleshlight or a cobbled together household object will offer a much more pleasing sensation than a vinyl lady friend in the $200 range.

If you want to approximate a more realistic feeling in an actual doll rather than a disembodied organ, you would likely have to fork over $6,000 (U.S.) plus $850 in shipping by hooking yourself up with a Realdoll (www.realdoll.com, and yes ladies and homos, they make male models now too). I spent a large chunk of Sunday surfing Realdoll and general sex-doll fan sites and found an incredible subculture of aficionados, some very charming. At www.dollalbum.com, one enthusiast includes quotes by everyone from Dorothy Parker to Walt Whitman to Camille Paglia under pictures of his beloved Realdoll Roxanne. There’s even an adorable snapshot of them on their way to a fancy dress party, and look, there’s Roxanne sitting at the breakfast nook with Savage Beauty, the Edna St. Vincent Millay biography, and trying her own hand at a few lines of verse too! Beautiful, bright and she doesn’t talk back or hog the bathroom.

But let’s assume that the price of a Realdoll is out of the question for you. Not to worry. Maybe. At http://www.makerealsextoys.com/index.html, you can order free instructions to make your own nice quality sex doll at a total cost of $230 (U.S.). The testimonial page is suspiciously bare of happy endorsements but within 10 minutes of e-mailing Scott, the guy who runs the site, I was sent detailed yet folksy directions including photos, gratis as advertised. Though I found them as confounding as any assembly manual, Scott’s handy, casual tips on making the doll’s articulated arms and legs specifically from a “seasonal Walmart” lounge chair are a nice fuck you to the hyper censorious empire. Scott also suggests buying the Virtual Girl pussy insert for the doll, a product he sells on his site so he may generously offer the doll-instructions free.

On the topic, I encourage people to see Marc de Guerre’s film on Japanese love dolls called A Perfect Fake, which has recently been released on DVD. Japan has a long and intricate history with love dolls, and is also the first country to provide upscale ones in brothels.

Dear Sasha My boyfriend has developed a growing involvement with his penis pump. He is strong, young and healthy and has no need to use it for erectile dysfunction purposes. He is insecure about the size of his penis and simply wants to make it bigger.

I’ve told him over and over again that I prefer his natural endowment. Despite my pleading, he continues to use it daily. Number one, this activity turns me off. I’m not lying when I say that I love his dick the way it is. And number two, I’m starting to get really worried about its long-time physical and psychological effects. I think that, despite all his efforts, he will never get the results he wants. I’m really concerned that this single-minded obsession and use of the penis pump could lead to a possible deformity or even impotence. He is an otherwise amazing guy who I care about deeply. I really need some insight and help.
—Distraught

Dear Distraught,
There’s nothing quite as frustrating as a man disgruntled with his perfectly good knob. And how many times do we have to tell them persistent pumping is dangerous and stupid?

“I do not recommend recreational pumping,” says plastic surgeon Dr. Robert Stubbs for the eight millionth time. “The negative pressure created by chronic use of the device produces lymphedema (swelling). Lymphedema is a pathological condition so any gain in size is done at the risk of infection or other complications of this condition.”

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM