Different strokes

>> The strange origins, spiritual dimensions and local locations of miniature golf

FORE! Golf and Zen collide in Kirkland

by LORRAINE CARPENTER

“Playing golf and taking deep slow breaths brought my young Western mind to realize that I had only been using half of my brain—the left lobe—the rational Western lobe. I recall the exact shot when I first felt my whole mind and body meld into the moment: I visualized [the shot] and kept the image in my mind as I focused on the ball. The swing felt like a wave of the hand and the ball flew off of the clubface. It landed softly on the green 10 feet away. I went through the breathing and visualization again as I lined up the putt and then I strolled up to address the ball, aligned myself (figuratively and literally), focused on a dimple on the ball, and then stroked the ball into the hole for an eagle!”—Philip Jaffe, Natural Awakenings, 2002.

Add a few wee ponds, a small windmill, an artificial waterfall and a giant clown’s head, and you’ve really got something. For those who can afford the time and money that golf and Zen require, maybe this combination of sport and spiritual practice is a feasible path to inner peace. But for the rest of us, lacking in funds, free time and skill, there’s a quaint but charming alternative, a more casual game with its unique putter-clubs and curious obstacles: miniature golf.

Better known in Quebec as mini-putt, the game is a favourite family pastime throughout North America, the U.K., Europe and beyond, and even a professional sport for some, with its tournaments, championships and cups. Some would argue that it lacks the spiritual potential of “real” golf, but what is a gnome if not an otherworldly icon? What is an opening and closing door if not a portal to some special place? And what is a symmetrical arrangement of green felt, rocks, water and 18 holes if not an amped-up Zen garden?

Mini-putt is for pussies

Not surprisingly, miniature golf emerged from the birthplace of modern golf: Scotland—though early forms of golf developed in Holland and China, with roots stretching all the way back to ancient Rome. Some say that the word was derived from the Scottish term “gowff,” to strike hard, or the Dutch “kolf,” which translates to “club.” There’s also a myth that it’s an acronym for “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden,” and even though this is not true, it has everything to do with the birth of miniature golf. It’s said that Mary Queen of Scots played golf in the 16th century, but during Victorian times, 1867 to be precise, it was considered unseemly for women to publicly perform such violent movements as swinging a light, slim club over the shoulder. Enter mini-golf, a game which offered shorter walking and putting distances, and therefore gentler strokes, reducing the chances of perspiration for women and emasculation for men (whose fondness for kilts was somehow never scrutinized).

Mini-golf’s goofy gender specificity faded before long, as it became one of the top leisure activities in the USA at the dawn of the 20th century. Men, women and children across the country took to mini-golf, with courses popping up everywhere from the sprawling hills and deserts of California to the cold, damp terrain of New England to the rooftops of New York City. Because mini-golf courses are petite and felt greens aren’t susceptible to weather damage, outdoor courses were built regardless of harsh climates or urban congestion. But the activity, associated as it is with affluence, despite its relative accessibility compared with genuine golf, was rendered practically extinct in the U.S. during the Depression, and only began to recover in the second half of the century.

Meanwhile, Northern Europe took the game and ran with it, with Germany, Switzerland and Sweden developing their own aesthetic styles and producing the majority of courses and world champions to this day. It’s said that 15 million German citizens play at least one round of mini-golf annually.

MADE FOR A WOMAN? Putting indoors in Kirkland

Going mini in and around Montreal

In the ’90s, RDS’s Défi mini-putt brought the pastime into thousands of Québécois homes, once again offering an alternative to golf, this time in the televisual realm. The show’s sometimes eccentric contestants, colourful props and “inexplicably enthusiastic” announcer would have scared the short pants off many a senior citizen who watch televised golf, with its hushed tones and verdant serenity. The show gained a cult following and further popularized the activity, resulting in the proliferation of courses throughout the province.

These days, there are all manner of courses in Montreal and its environs, though some of Quebec’s more elaborate sites are located in les régions. Year-round playing is possible at indoor courses in entertainment centres and malls, from Laval’s Récréathèque to Lasalle’s Carrefour Angrignon to the new indoor course at Kirkland’s Dome de West Island (3000 Edmond, (514) 695-4587), which also has an outdoor mini-golf course, as well as an indoor driving range and virtual golf room for those looking to improve on their genuine golf game. It’s open from 7 a.m.–11 p.m., seven days a week.

Also on the West Island, Pierrefonds’s Mini-golf Putt-putt (16645 Pierrefonds, (514) 624-7666) is an outdoor roadside course with a concession stand specializing in performance-enhancing sugar (ice-cream and slushies). They’re open from 10 a.m.–8 p.m. daily. And the expansive outdoor course at Golf St-Lazare (430 Cité des Jeunes, (450) 424-3686) is open from 9 a.m.–11 p.m. seven days a week.

Outdoors, and on the island, there’s Rigolfeur & mini-putt Versailles (7220 Sherbrooke E., (514) 252-7372), open every weekend from noon–7 p.m., weather permitting. This course is part of the kid-oriented Wacky Putt franchise, novelty courses with holes under water and inside props like toilet bowls, featuring wild design, sprinklers, sound effects and creepy critters, with fiberglass platforms and electronic cups and tees that allow the funhouse surprises to be rotated and changed regularly.

One of the many, many outdoor mini-putt sites in Laval is Gold Miniature Fabreville (3315 Ste-Rose, (450) 625-4752) an 18-hole course with obstacles, interwoven by rocks and sand, open weekdays from 1–5 p.m., and 6–8 p.m., weather permitting, and noon–8 p.m. on weekends.

Take note that the courses listed above are all open as of presstime, but many of the off-island outdoor courses are only starting their season this weekend or next, perhaps to coincide with National Miniature Golf Day in the U.S., an annual observance on the second Saturday in May. It’s a great opportunity to take a holiday in your own backyard, and putt the day away.