This week: Tight jeans, iPods, the flute!

Plus: Choker chains on dogs said to be bad!!

“edited” by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M Why is it that if somebody wants to play a beautiful FLUTE or guitar, and play it well, they can get ticketed and fined, yet panhandlers can ruin your day and chase you down the street screaming at you, trying to make you sorry for them. Why the fuck isn’t that illegal? [BLEEP!]

M They must have a new DJ on Saturday morning on Couleur Jazz! So far, 45 minutes of good jazz, good SWINGING SONGS—it’s the first time ever since the station’s been on the air. Especially on Saturday morning. Awesome. Awesome. [BLEEP!]

M Hello. This is about work boots, TIGHT JEANS and indie rock. A personal response. Okay, first, the CSST is the reason why the boots. The jeans are not really American Apparel, they are actually second-hand Salvation Army. And yes, compared to the hip hop, they are tight. And, finally, it does so happen that I like to listen to independent music. That is to say artists who are not signed or distributed by any major international record label. I’d rather spend 12 to 15 bucks on a very good show instead of going to the Bell Centre to see Christina Aguilera or listen to any crappy tribute band play. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F For the girl who’s been ranting about the 13- to 17-year-olds who are singing in the bus with their iPods and their cell phones. Bitch, have you ever seen me in the St-Laurent 55 bus at five o’clock in the morning, singing my repertoire on my iPod? I don’t have a cell phone and I don’t really encourage that industry, but my iPod, man?! Sick repertoire. From Mistah F.A.B and Ghostface Killah to Spank Rock and Aretha Franklin. I dare you to come and tell me to shut up in the 55 St-Laurent bus. Shit, bitch, grow up. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, man, this is in response to that guy who left the rant about the metro party where he closes it with stay the fuck out of Montreal, all ya goddamn whiteys. I didn’t really think the Rant Line™ was into printing just straight-out racist derogatory remarks. Just because we’re white doesn’t mean we have to be put into a group where we’re being told to stay out of the metro. I remember when blacks had to go and sit on a certain seat in the bus and a lady by the name of ROSA PARKS had to go and change all of that and she got in a lot of shit for that, you know, to make society a bit better for all of us. And then you have you fucking racist pricks calling me whitey. I don’t call you blackie or brownie, you stupid son of a bitch. I have nothing against your race or colour, just against your stupid shitty attitude. You run around calling each other nigger, you fucking shoot each other and you sell each other crack and you kill each other and you still blame us. We haven’t had nothing to do with you people for years and years and years and you’re still using us as a scapegoat for your own pathetic lives. And if the Rant Line™ had the balls to print “Go home, whitey,” then it should have the balls to print my rant too. [BLEEP!]

M This is a rant for all you people who put CHOKER CHAINS on your dog—especially those who put their choker chains on old dogs that don’t even pull. It’s entirely unnecessary and it’s stupid and it angers me, because it looks like you’re not even thinking about what you are doing. Put a harness on your dog and treat it humanely. I just saw the stupidest woman pulling the most harmless, old, weak dog down the street with a choker chain. It was terrible. And I see it a lot. [BLEEP!]

F A short word about STOP signs. They say stop. This word is considered bilingual so don’t say you couldn’t understand it. They don’t say INCH through the crosswalk hoping that you can gain some time and they certainly don’t say SWERVE around the pedestrian. Because the next time an automobile gets that arrogantly close to my body, I’m gonna fucking KEY it. Who’s with me? [BLEEP!]

M For the guy who bitched about the smokers NOTCHING their smokes and then going back into the bar. Listen, asshole, if you’re paying 10 bucks every other day for a pack, you’d wanna get the most for your money. And if us going back into the bar really bothers you that much, how about maybe giving us our own SMOKING SECTIONS back? Would you prefer that?. [BLEEP!]

F I’m calling about a mural that was painted in the alley on Fairmount and Waverly. I thought that there was some kind of UNWRITTEN CODE for graffiti or tag artists about leaving people’s art work or murals alone and not defacing them, but it doesn’t seem to hold true in this case. This mural is beautiful and these idiots just fucking defaced it using blue can paint. You can see the mural underneath it. Is there any respect out there in graffiti world? [BLEEP!]

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