O no

Dear Sasha

My wife and I are in our 50s and still have a great sex life. However, she is now going through menopause and for the first time in our relationship she doesn’t have an orgasm when we go at it. Although she didn’t have one every time we played around, when she really wanted to have one, we both knew what to do to achieve it. Is this a temporary phase? And do you have any suggestions on how we might return to achieving the Big O on a regular basis?

—Jim

Dear Jim,

It’s not unusual for women to have to dig a little deeper to achieve orgasm as they hit menopause. If you’re not already using a strong vibrator (like the Magic Wand or something with similar torque) during sex, consider buying one to kick-start things.

The Boston Women’s Health Book Collective put out Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause just last year, and judging by a flip through with particular attention to the chapter on sex, it’s as essential as their classic original publication. The Sinclair Institute—a company that makes explicit educational films—also has a DVD for couples over 40 (www.bettersex.com). Satisfying sex is totally negotiable at all times in your life if you want it, it’s just a matter of dealing with the state of your gear and treating it with mindfulness and respect.

Dear Sasha

I was wondering if there is a market out there where women would pay for a male dominant? Also, prior to the actual activities, is it a good idea to discuss what will occur with the sub or should I keep her wondering as part of the excitement?

—Dominant Man

Dear Dominant,

The amount of existing business is one simple way of finding out if there is a market for a sexual service. There is very little in the way of male dominants for pay for women, in fact there is very little in the way of male sex workers for women, something we could spend days debating I’m sure. Even if there was a healthy demand, I worry about the level of experience you would bring to what can be an intricate fantasy. If you don’t know about negotiating safe words and boundaries and you don’t have a gift for watching someone’s reactions, do you really think you’re ready to be paid for this? Do you even have a proper dungeon?

Check out the SM book section in your local sex shop or online at www.comeasyouare.com before you place ads for pay. Begin by placing ads for play—Craig’s List and Altsex are where many perverts meet online—and going to SM nights and respectfully watching others in action. You can go ahead and place a professional ad, Dominant, but I’ll tell you the likelihood of women paying for this service, especially from someone with limited experience, is low.

Like so many kids who surf the net, I am a fan of that “directory of wonderful things” Boing Boing, where I found this link last week: www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/319/7225/1596?fmr.

Scientists in the Netherlands put several heterosexual couples and a few single women in an MRI system having sex to measure internal response. The photos are really fucking cool and so are the results, all conveyed in that tickled pink, down-to-earth style characteristic of the Dutch.

Also, say hello to baby www.averagewalkingcliche.com! Our flash page is up thanks to Sean Pajot, and the dating site for those who are nice as hell and not going to take it anymore will be coming together within the next month or two. And to Nathaniel, “born without the shopping/decorating gene,” who asked, “If AWC was for gay guys too.” Natch! Average Walking Cliché is for all average walking clichés no matter what their gender or orientation. Remember friends, Jamie Campbell, whose brilliantly drab and introverted style just screams AWC, is taking pictures for the look of the site so if you want to become an AWC model, get in touch with him at jamiecampbellphotography@yahoo.ca. We’re also looking for suggestions for profile questions. Please send them along here

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM