Critical acclaim

Unfortunately, I have to start things off this week with some disturbing news. It seems that rehearsal-space and band-van smash-and-grabs, where the crooks make off with precious musical equipment, are increasing in frequency. The latest victim is Dears guitarist Patrick Krief, who had his other band Lesley Lane’s St-Henri rehearsal space broken into by some low-life fucks this weekend and close to $17,000 worth of gear got ripped off—a few miserable cords were all they left.

Out of all of the uninsured gear stolen, Krief is really feeling the punch to the gut the most from the loss of his white Stratocaster. The guitar was given to him on his 18th birthday, after a collection was taken up among friends and family, and has been his trusted axe for over a decade now. The Stratocaster can be recognized by the four black graphite saddles on its bridge, which are somewhat unusual. If you see the guitar in a pawn shop around town, Krief is offering a no-questions-asked cash reward for its safe return, and he can be reached through my email at the bottom of this column. If you have recently been offered a lot of equipment from a particularly shady fuck or are eager to keep an eye out, you can check out the list of stolen gear at www.myspace.com/patrickkrief.

Ever wondered what us music-crit hacks do when we aren’t destroying careers with dashes of our poisoned pens or selling their promo CDs to used record stores? Well, head on down to Divan Orange on Friday night and check out Toronto’s Two Koreas, made up of three-quarters of Toronto’s rock scribes. Actually, Two Koreas fly in the face of the old adage of those who can’t do something write about it, with their new record Altruists possessing all of the angular guitarisms of Andy Gil and Wire (actually, I only put that in because I know it would make all of them wince), while managing to sidestep the obvious “hackism” of sounding like Broken Social Scene—and if you ask them nicely, they may even pull out their Swell Maps cover. All musicians in the audience will also be encouraged to criticize the critics in between songs, as long as the word “angular” is utilised in each sentence. Opening will be real live musicians Harvee.

Although Blue Cheer’s last show at la Sala Rossa left this massive fan a little underwhelmed, due to the inclusion of Hendrix and Doors covers and drummer Paul Whaley looking like he was about to have a coronary after two songs, you should still show up at Sala on Monday to check out locals Mongrels and the blistering live show of An Albatross. In hopes that Blue Cheer were just having a bad night a couple of months back, I will be a glutton for punishment once again, but for those of us who are especially susceptible to heartbreak, I would plan on an early night.

Although us tardy types have already missed the vernissage, Katacombes has decked out their walls with the Kustom Kulture and Rock Art show and will keep it running until the end of April. Local rock ’n’ roll artists who will be hanging include Arno Bad News,

Dr. Martin Evil, Romantic Evil and the highly underrated Johnny Crap, whose recent work is just simply jaw-dropping.

You can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m a woman’s man…Jonathan.cummins@gmail.com