Canine corpse coitus

The defining moment in a defence attorney’s life must be when the years of law school and grunt work finally give way to arguing why it’s not a crime to fuck a dead dog. For Kathryn Fehrman of Saginaw, Michigan, the moment has come.

The violated dog had been the pet of Ronald E. Kuch’s girlfriend until being hit by a car. A week after its death, Animal Control officers, who’d been called to remove the animal’s corpse from a wooded area, caught Kuch penetrating it with jolly abandon. Kuch’s attorney does not deny this. Her argument is far more ridiculous than that.

“A dead dog is not an animal,” Fehrman contends. “It’s inanimate.”

Fehrman has argued that Kuch’s indictment could pave the way to the criminalization of people “rubbing themselves with a bone,” or having sex with plastic dolls, which, she explains, being made of fossil fuels, “used to be alive.”

Circuit Judge Joseph K. Sheeran has ruled that the charges of sodomy will stand, as will the related charges of indecent exposure and resisting and obstructing an Animal Control officer.

by Scott Saxon