Ho down

Dear Sasha How can I find a prostitute who’s not being exploited by a pimp, boyfriend or escort agency, who’s disease-free, not an addict or a basket case, has made a conscious and informed choice to sell sex and is happy doing it?

I recently had my heart broken and I don’t want another relationship just yet, but I want to fuck. I don’t, however, want to go through the make-believe or outright deception usually required to pick up a one-night stand. I don’t want to contribute to the exploitation of anyone, which I imagine is the case with almost all prostitutes on the street, online or in the Yellow Pages. The only option I can think of is a happy (and healthy) hooker. Does she exist? How do I find her?

—Help a Randy Dude

Dear Randy,

The more I answer questions like this, the more the “issues” that concern people around prostitution feel like a red herring. By this I mean, think about some of the other women you’ve slept with. If you held them up to the same light, honey, you wouldn’t be getting laid for love or money. We want so much out of hookers (impeccable health, radiant sanity and dignified business standards to name just three) yet we’re not willing to offer them a conducive atmosphere to attain these things. I challenge anyone to work at a job that’s illegal for all intents and purposes and as such vilified and dangerous and see if they don’t want a good stiff drink or a toot on a crack pipe now and then. People in other jobs who face similar stresses are given subsidized therapy, paid vacations and legal resources when they suffer abuse at work. Hookers? Nada.

This is not to say you shouldn’t trouble yourself with the well-being and character of the woman to whom you want to give money for sex, but you shouldn’t be surprised to know that many of your concerns are echoed by her. As my friend and working girl Amber says, “Most sex workers practise safe sex. It is a sex worker’s best interest to do so. She works with her body so keeping it healthy will ensure she has money coming in. It is the client that often requests a service and in fact offers more money for services without a condom.” Amber is happy to hear that you won’t be one of them.

Your perception of pimps is biased. Amber elaborates on the cliché: “Most sex workers do not have a ‘pimp’, especially escorts. The notion of a pimp translates, in reality, as a boss, an agency owner or a business partner. Yes, there are some people who work for other people and share their money. They are either paying for protection, for clients, housing or sometimes drugs.” In most business, this is a very typical model. You’ve dated women who have bosses right? And how many of their bosses were jerks, and often in ways that would rival even the most hackneyed fancy man? (Do not make me start listing the evils of corporate industry, Randy).

Many sex workers are actually autonomous, however not necessarily by choice but because working with a third party is illegal, something that brings us to your concern about exploitation. “Exploitation is very prevalent in the sex industry,” says Amber. As I was getting at earlier, this has way more to do with the fact that current laws prevent safe and fair working conditions. If, as a client, you want to avoid exploitation, Amber suggests you “pay your service provider well, make sure you respect her limits and communicate your needs very clearly, take a shower, and always say please and thank you.” I suggest you look at the ads in the back of weeklies and online that have a personal touch to them, and ask the provider about her services with her in mind as a businessperson and not Typhoid Mary.

I respect the fact that you want your experience to be good, but you need to get a little perspective on the fact that sex work is work and by virtue has its pressures and pitfalls. A hooker is happy when a client is courteous, appreciates their time and doesn’t heap all kinds of ideological and ignorant shit on her head while she’s giving him head.

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM