ATTACK OF THE POO

In the world of crime gangs, few will go down on record for acts as altogether disturbing as the six ne’er-do-wells currently stewing in prison cells in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Pushed into action when one Thomas Berry turned down the advances of their friend, whom Berry found a little beefier than he liked his women, the suspects devised the ultimate form of payback. They broke into Berry’s home, knocked him around a bit, then they dressed him in women’s clothing, put make-up on him and smeared him with dog feces. On their way out, they took his wallet. According to Berry, the six also tried to shove a dildo in his mouth, but failed.

The six arrested, ranging in age from 18 to 24, include the rejected woman, Erika Gonzales, who looks strikingly like a lesspolished Emilio Estevez, and Berry’s roommate. Though police say the suspects are “basically blaming all of each other” for the attack, the whole lot face charges of robbery, aggravated battery, kidnapping and attempted rape.

» Scott Saxon