Dear Sasha I recently went to a strip club for the first time with my boyfriend. I had an amazing time, but would have had a better time if I’d known some strip club etiquette for girls. Think you could give us some pointers, like: how to dress, is it considered rude to watch other people’s lap dances, and how to let a dancer know that, even though you’re sitting up front with your boyfriend, you’d still like your own dance and have money to tip?

It’s loud, so words don’t work too well, and surprisingly only one asked me if I wanted a dance and phrased it, “I’m assuming you don’t want one?” I told her I did, and she was really friendly, so I’m guessing it’s more of a “She’s here for her boyfriend so she won’t tip well” thing rather than a problem with me being a girl. I know the basics go for both guys and girls, but it seems like being a girl makes it a little more awkward, so we should get a little more advice.

—Tip Me

Dear Tip Me,

When it comes to dressing up to go out, I’m of the mind that one should make a little effort no matter what their destination and particularly so if there’s a little adult fun on the menu. You’re there to have a provocative experience, right? Why not add to that by getting into something foxy? Speaking from experience, it’s also flattering to dance for people who are nicely turned out and smell good, whether they’re men or women.
 

When you dress up for an occasion, you are telling the people contributing to the occasion that it’s special to you. A suggestion for both of you on this front: If you like wearing dark colours, just be warned than most clubs have ruthless blacklighting that picks up every piece of lint. I am on a personal mission to make clubs relax on this because it sure doesn’t help the girls either—fake nails look even more fake, and dental work and tinted contact lenses stand out unflatteringly.
 

As I see it, you had a few things going against you in the approachability department. Firstly, you didn’t do yourselves any favours sitting at the stage, an area that is universally known as gynecology row. People who sit there often do to get a good close sniff at the low price of free and are often not worth approaching for lap dances. In the United States , you need to tip if you sit around the stage but in Canada , it’s not obligatory, though the past few years have seen a trend of men being permitted onstage to lie down and get a face dance if they hand girls bills. (And girls, if I see one more of you taking that money with either set of lips, I swear I am calling your moms).
 

Being a couple also carries with it some liability. All sex workers have had the humiliating experience of men hauling along a reluctant, sneering girlfriend to see the whores, of women asking us inappropriate questions about our work and making kindly but idiotic remarks like, “You’re so brave! I could never do this!” While these questions and comments inevitably come out of men’s mouths, too, they just feel more pointed coming from a sister.
 

Back when I was working, we were not permitted to ask outright if people wanted a dance (it was considered a grey area in the issue of solicitation) forcing us to be subtler about our services. As a result, I actually find it crass when girls charge up to tables without any apparent interest other than brass—be grateful that you are permitted a bit of space while making your selection and do not be shy to ask girls for dances yourself. Another reason they’re not approaching you is because couples generally don’t spend as much as men and, honey, competition is fierce these days. You could easily lose a couple of hundred bucks doing a one-off.
 

Jane Jacobs said something about the definition of privacy being the opportunity to look but electing not to. Never, ever, watch somebody else’s lap dance unless this was the agreement—it’s considered very rude

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM