M This is to that kid who talked about l’X closing and the punk rock scene dying. L’X was very important to the punk community, but there are tons of other places to play. They’re all-ages and some bars don’t even charge any fee to let your band play. So the scene didn’t really die, it just morphed into something else. And you have to understand that Montreal has never been inclined toward hardcore and punk bands. The scene has always been underground and it probably always will be. I mean, I’m surprised that a Montreal label like Dare to Care hasn’t even bothered re-pressing the Nils. So the scene has always been lame and people don’t support local bands. Or the bands are popular for one year and then people forget about them. But that’s always been Montreal. If you want to play music and have fun with your friends and do it for a long time, you just got to get used to the bullshit Montreal fucking scene. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M To the guy talking about l’X, Disgruntled, Tainted Youth, Judgemental and, specifically, Robin. Robin’s not gonna save the music scene, man. Robin can barely fucking save himself! Robin can often barely tie his shoes. I love the dude, though. Late. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is LUKAS ROSSI’S BEST FRIEND in the world. I’m just calling to say yeah, Jonathan Cummins was good in the Doughboys, but Bionic? Piece of shit. And let’s face it, Cummins was never in a band with Tommy Lee! And once you’ve been in a band with Tommy Lee, you’ll never be the same again. It’s like if a chick has sex with Prince, she’s never quite the same chick again, let’s face it. So that’s my point, man. Lukas is now riding the rails with, basically, the frontman of Mötley Crüe. And let me tell you, when he comes off the road, we’re gonna go down to the pub, have a few pints and he’s gonna tell me all of the decadent debauchery, all the stories, he’s gonna let it all hang. Lukas, I love you, man. You did it. And all the people who don’t like you, Lukas, they’re all just haters. Hats off to Lukas. Hats off. [BLEEP!]

M This is to the guy who said that Jason Newsted was the biggest asshole around for leaving Metallica. Are you fucking crazy? It takes BALLS OF STEEL to walk away from a money-making machine like Metallica. Also, Jason walked away from the biggest asshole in the music industry, Lars Ulrich. If anything, Jason’s the coolest guy around for doing that. Also, I’ve met Jason. Greatest guy. He hung out for 45 minutes and chatted with us. He’s not an asshole and he deserves credit. Balls of steel, man. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I just read about this bullshit GHETTO PARTY in Hochelaga on that Stillepost shitboard. Man, you hipster douchebags, you think it’s so cool to call your party Hochelaga Ghetto? Well, la dee dah, look at me, fancy-pants. Fuck you, man. I’m from Hochelaga and it’s no ghetto. And what’s up with the ghetto being cool anyway? Shame on you and to hell with your shitty party. Stay out of my hood. Over and out. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, has anybody out there heard the Metal File on CHOM Friday nights? Who is this turd who calls himself MIKE METAL? Everybody knows his name is Mike Babins and he works on CJAD, producing talk shows for your grandpa. What qualifies him to host a show about metal? I don’t think he has any qualifications! But my buddy in the West Island, the West Island Mosh Man, Portuguese Mosh Man, everybody knows him, yeah? He hangs out at Saphir? He should be hosting the Metal File! And Metal Mike, you should go wait outside Rock en Stock on Crescent Street, maybe it’ll open up again one day. And you can buy your Anvil 12-inch singles. Bozo. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I have a message for the guy who broke into my friend’s car on Peel. Look, I realize there’s some stuff that you stole that we’re not getting back but, at the very least, could you give us back our DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS shit? It’s not worth anything to you and we put a lot of time and effort into it. You have some of our IDs so you know where to find us. [BLEEP!]

F I myself would love to know where this beautiful fucking bisexual bitch is because my panties got TOTALLY WET just reading her rant. And, uh, if we could ever fucking get together, I’d love to, beautiful hot chick. Kiss, kiss. [BLEEP!]

M I really wish I was a lesbian sometimes because when you read a rant about a chick who wants to have an orgy, you just wish that your PECKER wasn’t really there. [BLEEP!]

M I’d like to know if there’s any funky alternative Asian women out there who like white guys with tattoos. If so, where are they? [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Rant Line™, I just want to leave a message to boys in Montreal. Just to let you know that doing that kind of vigorous [makes HISSING sound] at us is not exactly gonna get our attention. And also, screaming at the top of your lungs that you would HIT THAT isn’t gonna make me sleep with you either. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum

Got an opinion on the local scene?
We want to hear from you!
Call or fax 271-RANT (7268).