M The problem with the Montreal music scene is that there are too many assholes controlling it. All they care about is themselves and stepping on other bands. And when they get ahead of the competition, they don’t give a shit about anyone. The Montreal music scene died with l’X, with bands like Disgruntled, Tainted Youth and Judgemental. Speaking of Judgemental, where the fuck is Robin? Because that guy could save the fucking Montreal music scene! [BLEEP!]

F Why do bands every now and then change their name? Like my friend’s band, he just decided to change their name because he said they’re moving UP in the world. What does it mean to move up in the world? Can one person explain that to me? Please? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’d like to continue this whole Jonathan Cummins/Lukas Rossi business. Okay, let’s have a look at Rock Star Supernova. Let’s look at the band. Gilby Clarke will forever be known as a TRIVIAL PURSUIT QUESTION. Who replaced Izzy in Guns N’ Roses? Ehhhhh, most people don’t know. Jason Newsted. Biggest asshole around. Walks away from Metallica. How stupid can you get? Tommy Lee. Well, enough said. He should go back to doing what he does best. Actually, can spousal abuse be justified as a job? And as for Lukas Rossi—after the Rock Star Supernova tour fizzles out, Lukas Rossi can look forward to a rewarding return to the food services industry. Take care, losers. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I apologize right away but for that little piece of shit that wrote last week that Montreal couldn’t have a nightlife because he went to school like a poor little piece of shit. I go to school, I work and I go see concerts and I get drunk every time I go and I get up in the morning. So, look, if you wanna have fun and go to bed at nine o’clock, move to P.E.I. Peace out, Montreal, for life. Nightlife, baby! [BLEEP!]

M I was trying to figure out why those Têtes à claques people were so popular so I went to their Web site to watch some of their videos. And I realized that the reason why is because this is the first time that French people are actually FUNNY. MusiquePlus needs to take a hint from these guys. Word up. [BLEEP!]

M Man oh man, 2006 year in review. What the fuck is this shit? Lorraine Carpenter saying that the Feist show was the worst show of the year? When really it was the best show of the year? Damn, you gotta fire somebody there, Mirror. Please. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, worst review of 2006. Lorraine Carpenter for the Feist show. Saying it was the worst show. Come on, girl, get some Q-Tips. Goddamnit. [BLEEP!]

M How come the guys who are always criticizing how bad hip hop is, the lyrics, don’t talk about that song by Pepper, “Why don’t you have dirty hot sex with me?” That’s a real CLASSY song. This is what we want our daughters to be hearing. We want to play this in front of our mothers and our wives! But the criticizers of hip hop, who are always saying how it degrades women, they’re not gonna comment about that because it’s not a rap song, it’s a rock ’n’ roll song. “Why don’t you have dirty hot sex with me?” Yeah, that’s nice to say in private, but to sing it and put it on the radio? Who’s the guy who put that on the radio, okay? I wanna hear somebody comment on this, why they think this song’s okay but the rap hip hop stuff is so bad? It’s just black and white really. If a black guy said that, they’d be horrified, but a white guy singing it is okay. Racism stupidity again, superficial skin colour stupidity. [BLEEP!]

M I’d like to rant about people in the metro just STARING at you for no apparent reason. Why the hell do you have to stare at me for no fucking reason? Just staring at me? You could stare anywhere else, you could close your eyes, you could do something else. Why you gotta stare at me? Especially when I’m having a bad day at work. Please do not stare at me anymore on the metro for no reason. Thank you so much. Fuck off. [BLEEP!]

F Where, where in Montreal are all the beautiful bisexual women? I’m a fucking hot chick, okay, and where are they? Where are they? Where are you? We have to make a date, organize this and get together and just all have a BIG ORGY? It’s about time, can’t you understand? Oh, I love the Mirror. Bisous. Je t’aime. Au revoir. And bonne soirée. [BLEEP!]

M This is Rocky Raccoon and people out there should listen to what the man said and they should pray to MY SWEET LORD and they should also believe in peace. I’d also like to say that I’m a PANHANDLER and I would like to thank all those people in 2006 who gave me a bit of change when I was outside freezing. Thank you very much. Have a happy New Year. And God bless everybody that reads the Mirror in 2007. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum

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