F Hi, this is Tam. I just read the rant from this week about DAVE WENGER. I don’t know who sent it in but I’m really tired of people saying that I stole Dave Wenger’s songs. Just to set the record straight for all you people out there who accuse me of that, Dave was the person who asked me to learn his songs years ago at Pasalamany. I didn’t even want to learn them, but I did and I sang them and I’ll keep singing a couple. Some of them I won’t, because he didn’t want me to sing them, like “Gentlemen,” so I stopped. But all the others he actually FORCED me to learn. So please, people, stop telling me that I stole his songs. And I’m really sad about Dave. He was a really great musician and one of my good friends. That’s all. Thank you very much. Good bye. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is for Johnson Cummins, you bald fucking member of ZZ Top, you fucking bozo. Lukas Rossi of Rockstar: Supernova is a personal friend of mine, ya cunt, and I don’t appreciate you pissing all over his brand new CD. Who’s gonna be touring North America in January with a rock band, getting LAID every night? Not you, my friend! Not you. You’ll be writing your shit column for the Montreal Mirror. I know what kind of music you listen to, a lot of crap. Go listen to your fucking Slayer! You don’t know music, ya cunt. You look like a fucking bald member of ZZ Top, you fucking bozo. Don’t you ever TOUCH MY LUKAS again, he’s a personal friend of mine, ya cunt, and I’ve got his back. So piss off, Johnson Cummins. What a fucking nerd. I’ve never seen a more nerdy person in my life actually, ya cunt. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, just wanna echo the individual who ranted about the Bell Centre booking TRIBUTE BANDS and why promoters are passing up rock bands in this town for those wannabes. He gave the example of Ottawa getting the Who and not us and he says he rests his case, that we’re losers. Well, I have to say, he’s right. This town has been sliding as far as rock goes. We can’t even manage to sell out a Blue Oyster Cult show at a small club, but we’ll have Il Divo and Justin Timberlake and Black-Eyed Peas, all that type of ilk. Plus artificial Pink Floyd shows and Genesis tribute bands and Rockstar: Supernova. And that’s just the way it’s been going—down—when it comes to choice rock shows? Sorry, Montreal’s off the radar. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this goes out to that little shit who was complaining about the Bob Dylan show, saying that there was too many keyboards. You hate keyboards, motherfucker?! What the fuck’s wrong with you? I used to be a keyboard player in a Montreal local band called Monday Sinners and I, the keyboardist, got way more pussy than the fucking singer or the COWBELL player! [BLEEP!]

F Umm, I have a question. What’s Peer Pressure? [BLEEP!]

M There’s an EP gonna hit town by Famous Lovers and it’s gonna melt faces. Yeah. Check it out. [BLEEP!]

M It’s not Audi like the car, it’s O-U-T-Y. Come on, man, get your mind right. [BLEEP!]

M Hey Rant Line™. This is on behalf of all the LOSERS in Montreal. We’ve gotta make an end to all these late shows. Some of us have work, some of us have classes early the next day. Some of us have to catch the last metro, some of us have been taking the night bus. Shows should end by midnight, by the last metro, everybody’s happy. [BLEEP!]

F The only time I look at a man’s CROTCH is when they’re really fat. When they sit down, you can see absolutely everything because their pants get really tight and sometimes you see absolutely nothing. I think it would be really great if we just started looking at men’s crotches just like men stare at our breasts. [BLEEP!]

M I never used to think that girls crotch-watched at all but then I guess I started realizing that they really do. And it’s surprising—but it’s a NICE THING. [BLEEP!]

F To the man who suggested that the girl who got her ass slapped at St-Urbain and Montreal was asking for it. I would like to know, if he was coming home from a club wearing some TIGHT JEANS and a man slapped his ass if he was asking for it? [BLEEP!]

M Holy shit, dude, I’m a guy and I’m attracted to women all the time and I don’t go around slapping their asses. I control myself like a fucking civilized human being! [BLEEP!]

M About people picking their toenails and people cutting their nails in public. That’s just keeping CLEAN. Whereas girls laying on layers of junk onto their face, the shit they call make-up, now that’s disgusting. They’re getting dirty in public! It’s gross. That’s all. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I’m calling about the APATHY. What can get me out of bed in the morning? I just don’t know anymore. I just don’t know. Not that Rant Line™ knows either but it’s worth a shot, right? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum