by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Chris

Age: 42

Occupation: Co-proprietor of a local massage Web site

Bio: This hunky Ville Emard stud had been working “as a collection agent and repo man for the longest time” when he suddenly got the urge to produce something cultural, like “an interactive e-magazine for the everyday guy or gal.” Upon hearing some six months ago that montrealmassage.ca was up for sale, Chris, together with a business partner, decided to purchase the online forum dedicated to providing discriminating gentlemen with the full skinny on Montreal’s massage salons and the various arguably sundry activities going down within them, and has been busy building the site up ever since. He drives a 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis, “like the cops.”

The primary purpose of Montrealmassage.ca: “To get customers and salon owners together. A lot of places, you never see the owner or get the chance to express yourself unless you take a dump on a response letter and leave it in their suggestion mailbox for them to read later. Montrealmassage.ca is there to let everybody know where to find a decent massage in Montreal at a decent rate. We’re providing a public service, everyone gets to write their own editorial. I wish there was something like this for everything, like, which car dealership served you the best.”

Is it also to prevent people from finding themselves in the uncomfortable situation of seeking sexual services from masseuses who don’t offer them? “Exactly, so people don’t go to the wrong places for the wrong reasons.”

But doesn’t every massage salon in town offer “happy endings”? “No, no, no, that’s all fiction. Most places don’t offer that kind of thing, just a few bad apples.”

Wouldn’t he, given the nature of the Web site he owns and operates, be inclined to consider these apples to instead be kind of good apples, rather than bad ones? “Maybe from a personal point of view, but from a business or legal point of view, they’re bad apples.”

Is there any way, outside of reading the posts on his board, to determine which salons offer “release”? “It’s a trial and error thing. You’ve got to bounce around from place to place until you find one offering the services you’re looking for.”

What’s the best way to negotiate a fair deal for a tug job in a massage salon? “I’m sorry, I can’t answer that, you’ll have to go to a salon, get a massage, and start negotiating yourself. I’m not saying these things do or do not take place, but it’s between two individuals. Whatever happens in the room is what happens in the room.”

Are there any spots in town where a chick can purchase a sensual massage from some heavy-lookin’ dude with magic hands? Not really. “There’ve been some in the past but they’ve come and gone. Really, with women and sensual massages, they seem to be a little frightened by them.”

Childhood ambition: To become a fireman.

Last book read: Memoirs of a Geisha, by Arthur Golden.

Musical preferences: The Tea Party, Jesse Cook

Words of wisdom: “You can always hope for the best but expect the worst.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net