As you read this, millions of Americans remain bloated from feasting on the next-most maligned barn animal after the humble chicken. But one White River Junction, Vermont, turkey may finally get justice—albeit posthumously.

Witnesses say they saw everything: a turkey was crossing a stretch of road. Along came Steven Lapre, who accelerated and swerved into the hapless bird. Then he got out of his car and picked up the fruits of his crime. Lapre says he had actually swerved to avoid hitting a flock of turkeys, accidentally hitting one in the process. He admits picking the bird up, but dropped it when someone yelled at him. Then he drove off, continuing on his way to his anger management class for the prevention of domestic violence.

Having experienced the full fury of the law over previous disorderly conduct and simple assault charges, Lapre is unmoved over the current turkey-related charges. “Do you know how stupid this sounds?” Lapre asked.

Perhaps not very. The case’s prosecutor has already once nailed a conviction on the attempted shooting of an area duck.

» Scott Saxon