by JULIET WATERS

As Malcolm Gladwell points out in his introduction to The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections, a key element of friendship is that at least one of you be reasonably interesting. Gladwell remembers when he first met Sally Horchow, who co-authored this book with her father, Roger Horchow: “Sally was far and away the most interesting person in the room, and I will confess that I had an immediate crush on her.” They became good friends and Gladwell was so impressed with Horchow Sr. that he wrote an entire chapter on him in his social science bestseller, The Tipping Point.

Roger is “a connector,” one of those rare “people who have a special gift for bringing the world together.” Roger is also the reason I kept reading a book that would normally end up in a stack of similar books that typically infest the Mirror offices at holiday time. Roger injects a potentially banal subject with some serious geezer chic. Who can discount gems like this anecdote used to illustrate the dangers of being a little too interesting?

“My friend Dick Bass (now in his 70s) has travelled far and wide and had many adventures. His achievements include being the first person to climb the highest peak on each of the seven continents, as well as being the oldest person (by five years) to climb Mount Everest (at the age of 55.) He once told me a story of a plane ride, on which he sat next to a nice man who listened to him go on about the treacherous peaks of Everest and McKinley, the time he almost died in the Himalayas, and his upcoming plan to reclimb Everest. Just before the plane landed, Bass turned to the man sitting next to him and said, ‘After all this, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself. My name is Dick Bass.’ The man shook his hand, and responded, ‘Hi, I’m Neil Armstrong.’”

Being too interesting is not a problem that plagues most people (though dominating conversations is obviously up there). It’s also debatable whether meeting people is as much a problem as it once was. To make friends, all it seems to take these days is a page on MySpace (that people feel compelled to advertise for friends may, however, say more about their social skills than they care to admit.) Ah, for the simple days when rule #1 was know how to get shit-faced drunk without falling into tables, and rule #2 was know how to graciously bum a smoke.

But as winter approaches and smoking involves cold balconies, or at best a car shelter, this book does offer more than the usual share of useful advice. Like if your goal this party season is to make new friends, prepare yourself to do that with some good “friendship pick-up lines.” If your goal is to use this time to deepen some existing relationships, there’s a tank full of good ideas, from getting past the small talk to appropriate gift ideas. It may be that your goal this year is to ditch some bad friendships so you have room for better ones. The Horchows are particularly helpful on how to “turn down the volume” on a friendship or if need be “politely end a friendship you realize is going nowhere.”

Of course, odds are you’ve already managed in your life to make some meaningful connections, and so you can expect a friend or two to be crying on your shoulder about the typical horrors of empty family and social rituals. Consider the possibility that ‘tis the time to learn how to shut up. The best advice to give a close friend with emotional problems? How about none. “Let your friends know you are always there to listen, and if real advice is required, share the name of your therapist.”

The Art of Friendship: 70 simple rules for making meaningful connections by Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow, St. Martin’s Press, hc, 145pp, $18.95