M I can’t believe that somebody actually called in about NICK DIAMONDS’ HAIR. That’s got to be one of the weakest rants I’ve ever heard. You really need to get a life and stop ranting about the hair of really, really bad musicians. [BLEEP!]

M This message goes for the guy at the We Are Scientists concert who cannot stop yelling ALEC BALDWIN at the members of the band. What the fuck was that for? [BLEEP!]

F You know what really bites my ass? It’s clubs that charge you a second time for your coat check. Seriously man, I was at a club tonight, I needed to get something in my jacket. I give it back to the guy and he wants to charge me a dollar again. What the fuck is that all about?! Is this to discourage SMOKERS? [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I went to see Betrayal at Time Café during FASHION WEEK last week. I think it is bullshit how little support there is for good things that are going on in this city. There is more to Fashion Week than pretty clothes and here were people trying to put on a play—HAROLD PINTER, at that, with a beautiful set and the best costumes I’ve seen in my life—and what are they doing at Time Café? They’re shooing people away and drinking, listening to house music on the bar—no joke. How about a little respect here?! We all live in a really great town, if all of us pull together to support one another, maybe it’ll be a little easier to make these kinds of events happen. And to the people who were on stage: hats off, you guys were fucking amazing. [BLEEP!]

M Concerning the question of why it is called a blowjob. You see, in London, England, back in the 1890s, the London policemen, otherwise known as bobbies, used to wear, around their neck, these rather PHALLIC-SHAPED POLICE WHISTLES. In the areas of London where the prostitutes worked, in order to avoid harassment by the police, the prostitutes would often finger these police whistles suggestively and tell the bobby that they would be happy to blow their whistle if the police allowed them to ply their trade in peace. And so this blowing of the whistle expression eventually became shortened to blowjob and this is the origin of this expression. Thank you very much. [BLEEP!]

M Hello. My name is Harold, I work at the bookstore on St-Laurent, S.W. Welch. This is just to say we’ve been looking for Ryan Larkin for a long time—Ryan used to be here nightly for the past nine or 10 years, and no one’s seen him for a long time. We called around looking for him, he’s not in the hospitals, he’s not at the Brewery Mission. We’re looking for him in a nice way, not CEMENT OVERSHOES or anything like that. If anyone has any ideas as to where Ryan is or if anyone’s seen him, please let us know. [BLEEP!]

M I pity everybody who didn’t take advantage of FREE METRO DAY. I rode the metro for 10 hours. I went to 32 metro stops. I went to d’Iberville—somebody tell me, where the fuck is d’Iberville? Think about that all you people who decided to sit on your couch on that lovely Saturday—you could have gone to 32 metro stops in 10 hours! By the way, does anybody actually live at de la Savane and does anybody know why that stop is there? [BLEEP!]

M This is for the guy who wanted the sexy girl with the classy purple shoes who was playing pool at Bifteck to contact him. Buddy, if you didn’t get her number that night, you don’t deserve to have her give it to you now. [BLEEP!]

M To hell with Robert Bourassa! Rename some autoroutes or some of these streets that are just numbers! But not Park avenue!! [BLEEP!]

M I don’t think they should be allowed to rename streets. Once it has a name, it should be the same name forever! [BLEEP!]

M This rant is about the project SLEB on the corner of Ontario and St-Laurent that’s been going on for quite a few months now, with its great big blue walls and its arrogant fuckin’ pas d’affichage, pas de graffiti, merci. What I want to know is where’s HYH, man? Where’s NME, where’s fuckin’ NRK?! [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is going out to the girl who was talking about the pee and doesn’t understand why guys like peeing on girls. Well, it’s all about DEGRADATION. It’s no different than a guy pulling a girl’s hair or a guy wanting to slap a girl’s ass or a guy wanting to blow his load on a girl’s face. And what it comes down to is it tastes pretty good and, speaking from experience, I don’t mind having a cocktail every once in a while of pee. Just not when it’s MORNING PEE. Word up. [BLEEP!]

F Why are the garbage trucks in Montreal called HEIL? Who is that company making trucks called Heil? Sieg Heil, that’s fucked up! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum