by JACK OATMON

I’ve got something that I’ve got to get off my chest. On a recent night out, with a ravenous headache poking at the backs of my eyes like chopsticks in chicken balls, I did something I never thought I’d do. I was at a show, watching an opening band, in absolute cerebral agony. The snare drum was like a whip relentlessly cracking my tender brain into mush. I mean, we all think about it—fantasize, even. Just slip ’em in and the pain goes away—“poof!” I fished around the forgotten corners of my well-travelled, poly-pocketed leather jacket and procured a small, worn package given to me by a British eccentric who I once met in the jungle. “You’ll need ’em someday,” he had said to me.

Was I really going to do this? I looked at the little things like the first cigarette I ever held. Curious desire flirted with dubious skepticism. What the hell, I thought, you only live once. I popped them in. Within seconds the pain of my headache began to soar blissfully away. It was like the cacophony of the bar was far, far away. I looked around in self-conscious paranoia. Had anyone seen me? Did they know? What would they think of me? Should I feel like a bad person for using earplugs at a club?

I’m starting to come to terms with it now and I’ve talked to some friends to find out that I have peers who have been using them too. It still makes me feel a little weird, though. If marijuana is the root of every junkie’s habit, are earplugs the first pace down a slippery slope of comprehensive insurance plans, complete breakfasts and voting Conservative? I can’t stand cheap beer anymore and I sometimes even catch myself ordering Perrier at restaurants.

Maybe there’s a connection and all of this means that I’m getting soft. Maybe in two years I’ll have an automatic can opener and a copy of World of Warcraft. What have I become?

Now that you know my little earplug kink, I’ll let you in on a few other juicy tidbits. Local artist collective White Label TV is launching a new DVD on Saturday night as part of the Festival du Nouveau Cinéma. That’s at Musée Juste Pour Rire, it’s free, and it features a killer line-up, with Ghislain Poirier, Pho King & Baltimore Craig and Scottie B up from Baltimore. WLTV specializes in visual arts, so expect a light show.

Furthermore, beyond Girl Talk and GWAR, you might want to see Frankie Bones at Saphir on Thursday. Peer Pressure are soon ending their Saturday Scandal at Vinyl with an eye to doing larger monthlies at the SAT. Also, in related news, electro weekly the Joyride was launched on Friday night at Tokyo. Jordan Dare spins. Another recent addition worth checking out is Beat Me Up on Sunday nights at Saphir, with Mary Hell, Ms. Sunday Luv and this week’s guest, Cherry Cola.

NEXT WEEK: ROCKY HORROR AND HALLOWEEN. jack.oatmon@gmail.com

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