The argument as to whether dogs or cats are the superior pet took a nasty turn in the dog camp’s favour. Unfortunately for Sheboygan County, Wisconsin’s Jamie Hanson, her house was the battlefield.

Whether or not Hanson’s cat and dog had been rivals all along is a matter of speculation, as is how the story would have ended had a Bonobo chimp skilled in cunnilingus been tossed into the mix. What is not speculation is that the one-legged human they lived with was home alone when the feline knocked a lit candle onto a chair.

As the fire spread, the canine approached the frightened human, carrying in its teeth the human’s telephone. Hanson promptly called for help, explaining to the dispatcher that she was disabled but planned to try to get out on her own. Firefighters say she’d made it to the front door by the time they’d arrived, the structure behind her already swallowed by flames.

Hanson suffered third-degree burns to her arm, but was otherwise none worse for wear. Neither canine nor feline escaped the inferno.

» Scott Saxon