It could be that Diebold has coded their voting machines to tabulate in the GOP’s favour. Or maybe the President is just nuts. Whatever the reason, and despite many Republicans bracing themselves for huge seat losses, insiders say George W. Bush is inexplicably confident the GOP can hang onto its lockdown of the House and Senate come the November 7 mid-terms.

“They’re not even planning for if they lose,” complained one anonymous GOP man. While many are expecting Democrats to gain at least 25 House seats, Karl Rove insists losses won’t exceed eight to 10, and that the notion of a Democrat-majority Senate is preposterous. Meanwhile, Bush won’t allow any talk of loss, assuring the party that, “We will have a Republican speaker and a Republican leader of the Senate.”

Adding to the notion that Bush dwells in a land of make-believe, he has been presenting himself to beleaguered candidates as the key to their re-election. Most notably, Bush has promised campaign stops for Rep. Don Sherwood (R-PA), an adulterer accused of choking his mistress, as well as Confederate-flag-waving racist George Allen (R-VA).

» Scott Saxon