by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Anna Gielas

Age: 24

Occupation: Babysitter/Nanny/Student

Bio: This delicious Teutonic temptress arrived here from her home in scenic Aachen, Germany only a few weeks ago to pursue grad studies in political science at McGill. Challenging the dubious McGill-student-as-coddled-rich- kid-whose-mummy-and-daddy-pay- for-everything-so-their-spoiled-brat- needn’t-concern-themselves-with- matters-financial- as-they-go- about-puking-Frosh-week-beer-upon- the-tree-lined-streets-and- outrageously-overpriced-apartments-of-the-Ghetto stereotype, Anna, who has taken up residence in Outremont, actually needs to work in order to stay here. Having laboured in the fast-paced world of babysitting since early adolescence, including two long-term stints as a live-in nanny in the south of France and Cairo, she’s currently on the hunt for Canadian kids to tuck into bed and kiss goodnight. If you’re in the market for a first-rate Euro-babysitter/nanny to show off to all your friends, contact her via anna.gielas@rwth-aachen.de.

What babysitters earn these days: Between $8 and $11 an hour. “In Germany babysitters get more money.”

Is that because Germans love their children more than Canadians do? “No, but Germans have a different attitude towards babysitters than people here. In Germany parents want to see your CV, they want references, they want to get to know you first, where here parents tend to take one look at you and say, ‘Okay, you’re our babysitter, let’s do it.’”

Does she think it would be difficult for a crafty pedophile or child-killer to weasel their way into a plush babysitting gig? “I don’t know, but if I had kids I’d really want to screen my babysitter too.”

Is there much skill involved to babysitting or is it more about stuffing a sock into the kid’s mouth until it finally shuts up and goes to sleep? “The most important thing is that you like kids. And I love kids, I love playing with them, talking with them, I love being around them. You can’t just tell them to shut up because you want to watch TV. You really have to like being with them.”

Has she ever been driven back home by some dad only to glance over and discover he has his erect penis in hand, something he’s quite sure the babysitter will feel a matronly urge to attend to? “Uh, no, I’ve been very lucky so far. It’s all about how you present yourself. You do need to keep some distance from the family. But it can be awkward sometimes around the husband, you know, if there’s a certain chemistry and you accidentally touch each other or something. But it’s all a question of attitude. Obviously you can’t allow anything like this to develop.”

The best way to deal with a spoiled kid when water-boarding isn’t a viable option? “I never have problems with children, really. If they start misbehaving I’ll try to distract them, get them to think about something else, find something else they can play with. You always have to stay calm. When you get angry, they also get angry, so the trick is to find some way to calm them down.”

Last book read: One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, by Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

Musical preferences: Massive Attack, Tricky, Trip hop.

Words of wisdom: “Per aspera ad astra.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net