On the surface, they may seem all astral projection and plucked chickens, but some witchdoctors have a twisted side. How could Zoran Nikolovic have known? At the breaking point over his premature ejaculation, the 35-year-old Serbian man turned to a local witchdoctor who had assured him “total discretion and 100 per cent success.” All Nikolovic had to do to get more mileage out of his hasty little linesman was to have sex with a hedgehog. Oh, sure. It sounds like it would work. So much so that Nikolovic, skeptical but too embarrassed to seek professional advice, decided to give it a go.

“The animal was apparently unhurt,” said a Belgrade hospital spokesperson. “The patient came off much worse for the encounter.”

Nikolovic’s efforts were rewarded with emergency surgery on his penis, which had been “severely lacerated” by the unimpressed hedgehog’s spines. Doctors were able to repair the damage done, but Nikolovic now faces an equally prickly situation with his girlfriend.

“I don’t know whether she’s more likely to dump me for being some kind of pervert,” Nikolovic said, “or for being such an idiot.”

» Scott Saxon