by JACK OATMON

Those were the blunt words of wisdom presented to the world by Andrew WK on his 2001 synth-metal (no, that’s not actually “a thing,” but not much of what this guy does is particularly precedented) release, I Get Wet. Subsequent titles by WK display a similar ethos, with diverse themes such as “It’s Time To Party,” “Party Hard” and “Long Live The Party.” When I found out that he would be at Sala Rossa this Friday with another band, To Live and Shave in LA, I knew immediately what I must do. I must somehow develop the supernatural ability to split into multiple scenesters and actually be at various places at the same time for the entire weekend, ’cause here comes the Weekend From Disco Hell. Regular readers of this column have already been warned, but just to reiterate: Holy Flying Fuck! I can’t spare any more of my precious column space blabbering, aghast at the frightening amount of things to do this week, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we?

On Friday, September 1, trust me and go see Boys Noize at the SAT. I know he already played in town, but I also know that you weren’t there (shame on you!) because I can name off just about everyone who was. This guy was accused of playing too many club hits before the critic realized that he made all of those tracks. You’ll see what I mean.

On the evening of Saturday, September 2, I will be bringing margaritas to tables and verifying the satisfaction of clients at the restaurant, while simultaneously bashing my head against the walls of Club Savoy to the random, glammy, chopped-up moodiness of Sebastian, the shrill, hip-electro-hop mash-ups of infamous Busy P, and the low-end, high-profile, ’90s-ish revivalism of Medhi. At the same exact time, I will be at Metropolis bouncin’ to Feadz and Uffie’s tomfoolery that is somehow both dirty-down-South and sophisto-Paris at once. That’s followed by the legendary Ellen Allien and Apparat, whose names, depending on who you are, either speak for themselves or are the first thing you should put on your “stuff to check out at the HMV listening-post” list. Did I mention that Ghislain Poirier is doing a live set at that show too? P.S. Chromeo, live at the SAT. It’s blastin’ off. Fraggle Rock!

On Sunday night, DO ABSOLUTELY NOT miss Para One at Metropolis. You already know and love him from the glitchy, downtempo production on TTC’s tracks, but you didn’t realize that he is the new god of electro, the new black and the new retro all at once. Buy, buy, buy! Also, I am requiring you to simultaneously be at the SAT for the Presets. Disco, punk, indie, electro, world, whatever. Throw as many words at it as you want—it’s sick. I’m gonna cry. I’m gonna die.

Add to all that, this cool weather that has kicked the loft-party season back into aggressively full swing, and…

THIS WEEKEND WILL RUIN jack.oatmon@gmail.com

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