by JACK OATMON

While sitting at my computer today, cruising my electronic stomping grounds and peeping in on the pile of press releases, party flyers, DJ mixes and promotional e-mails that is my inbox, I noticed a few tidbits of interest. I noticed that Shakespeare and Tom Wolfe seem to have taken up employment producing spam e-mails. Once they start sending William S. Burroughs in those things, I’ll click on the stock estimate attachments, and not a second before. I saw that the National Post really doesn’t like Quebec’s radical left. Go figure.

I also noticed that on the first weekend of September, we’re all gonna be mashed for, like, 72 hours, and when we wake up, we’re not gonna know what the frig happened to our underwear or that $100 we were savin’ for a dope, new fall jacket. MEG’s gonna be mad nutty. They’ve got Berlin’s Ellen Allien billed, whose new record is fantastic, technical madness. A crew that includes Busy P, Sebastian and Uffie (of course) will be representing Paris’s murderously hot Ed Banger Records. You might have been lucky enough to be one of about 100 of us who caught their label mate, Justice, shredding people’s clothing off upstairs in the smoking room at Metropolis last year. Lady Sovereign will be there. Para One, whose new remix EP is just plain wicked, is also on the roster along with the usual suspects of Montreal’s fertile, funky soil. ‘Nuff said. You’d think. But Nooooo! Evidently, on the same weekend, Neon’s pullin’ in a live performance by Chromeo and a revisit of Boys Noize, who wowed the heck out of me at the W on a recent Sunday night. So anyways, start savin’ up some cashola for all that, and get on the Google goggles to do some downloading homework so that you won’t miss out on anything that you’ll one day come to love. Follow?

In further news, a little birdy told me that Freeform Five might just be in town later in September. Also, friggin’ Soulwax is coming and 2manyDJs will be playing a set next month too. My head’s gonna explode.

Tonight is a surefire night for the soothing comforts of a good, old-fashioned Mix Thursdays rager at Saphir, where Creature will be lurking in the shadows with a lethal, groovy dance-trash surprise. More monstrous beats will be doled out by Miss Bijoux,

Melon, Mighty Kay, Sarcastic and Lil Tut on the mic. On Sunday, Piknic Electronik will be shaken by Frivolous, Hrdvsion, Tractile and Mathew Jonson for the Bande à Part edition. People often ask me what to do after Piknic to continue the downward spiral. If you’re not at Parking, go to Balroom, where the true weekend warriors congregate to squeeze the last, curdled drops of enjoyment out of their freedom before they resign to the grim fact that it’s no longer Sunday night—it’s Monday morning. This week features Jeff Grosse from Boston, resident Bender, who’s really coming into his own lately, and Marinelli.

WHOOP! THERE IT IS. jack.oatmon@gmail.com

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