Dear Keith,
Don’t you worry your pretty little pothead. We are going to turn you into a master worthy of your wife’s most obsequious affections.
The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy stands out as an effective primer with some stimulating scene ideas, but you can also peruse the well-stocked shelves online at Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com) or Come As You Are (www.comeasyouare.com) for SM guides and SM fiction.
I also checked out a few educational flicks. The first was Nina Hartley’s Sensual Domination 2: How to Dominate a Woman. Nina has a series of sex guides on DVD, some with more serviceable results than others. She is a committed and vocal feminist porn star and relentlessly defends sexual freedom in general. As such, I categorically refuse to be disenchanted by her, but I will say flat out that this video, though nicely produced, is short on relevant pointers. On a positive note, it offers friendly encouragement for those who worry about the soundness of their proclivity and the usual explicit sex scene that concludes all her educational films—if there’s one thing Nina understands as a Buddhist, it’s rewarding knowledge—but as for turning Keith into Big Daddy K, nope, not so much.
Whipsmart: A Good Vibrations Guide to Beginning S/M for Couples on the other hand is a must-see. Produced by the good ladies at Good Vibrations and hosted by Mistress Morgana (a recipient of the San Francisco Bay Guardian’s annual Best Sex Worker award), it offers specific advice without being all precious and gothic. Morgana is composed, efficient and humorous, and featured between her succinct verbal and visual tips are smoking and creative scenes with sexy, real-life couples. How I went 12 years in my line of work without having been apprised of lasagna’s abusive possibilities is a mystery, but I was so excited by all the sadistic artistry that I nearly got creepy on Morgana and called the personal line on her Web site (www.mistressmorgana.com) to gush. Then I thought, “Let’s see how I feel tomorrow when I don’t have four Ricard and grapefruits in me.” Danger averted, though quel hangover!
In my personal exploration of SM, dirty comic books have been a major stimulus and I was delighted to see a professional mistress with a decade’s experience like Morgana recommending them too. To paraphrase her, kinky comics capture the essence of your fantasies. Illustrated examples of SM are not limited by reality so they can tap in to intensely visceral feelings while being less intimidating for some folks than photographic representations. I enjoy the fact that these are unclad depictions of people’s fantasies, too—seeing what comes out of their heads makes the objective of moving out of this world to a place that may not even exist (yet that often seems so universal) all the more clear.
Look into CDs of recorded sex fantasies to assist you with the verbal aspect so key to good domination. Both online sex shops mentioned have these in stock and I’ll earmark Susie Bright as particularly gifted in this department.
Get your wife in on the learning process too, so she understands she needs to be candid and dynamic in her desires and not just wait for you to get things rolling. Ask her to write a fantasy down and see what you can both do about fulfilling it. As Morgana says in Whipsmart, “You only deserve what you’re able to ask for.”
