by JOHNSON CUMMINS

I should finally get around to getting myself a “marry ’em and bury ’em” sear-sucker suit, or at the very least learn how to properly tie a tie, as this matrimony thing is going around like a bad rash. It seems everybody I know is getting hitched these days and I couldn’t be happier. Everybody loves weddings.

I mean, what’s not to love? Booze, dancing to Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You” with senior citizens, scaring the in-laws with slurred drunken rhetoric—I mentioned booze right? Oh yeah, and celebrating the matrimonial bliss of two people you love coming together as one. Hahaha, seriously though, nothing beats spilling double gin and tonics over a borrowed suit as you try to drunkenly perform the Macarena and the Chicken Dance.

Wedding bells are indeed a ring-ding-dinging again this Friday at the romantic confines of the Playhouse, when two of the best people you could ever meet, Kate Fallon and Planet Smashers bassist Dave Cooper, will tie the knot in what will prove to be one of the biggest drunk fests (one of the only two reasons people really get married) this town has ever seen. Truly a match made in heaven—Kate’s been known to take the occasional nip from the bottle every now and again and Dave is just about the only guy I know who could ever keep up with her when it comes to enjoying copious amounts of libations. These two East Coasters, being no slouches, recognised a good drinking partner when they saw one and, as rare as they come, when you finally find one you keep ’em for life. May they be hungover together till death do them part.

Now Cooper, never one to pass up a good PR moment, will also debut his new band Coopertramp as well as celebrate their union under the eyes of God. Cooper is hip to the fact that any good wedding band worth their salt knows that playing original material is as welcome as a fart in an elevator, so he promises to heat the night up with some of the most romantic sounds the Scorpions and Kiss can muster. If you are friends with the bride or the groom, show up at the Playhouse on Friday night and bring gifts of blenders, fondue sets and Ginsu knives—because that is the other reason people get married. Wedding crashers will be beheaded at the door by Curt from Jerk Appeal, so you have been warned.

Knowing that you readers love nothing more then the news of celebrity weddings (I am seeing a new slant to this column!), a special heartfelt congrats also goes out to the Donkeys’ singer/momenchance artist the Canadian Strong Man, née Eric Gaucher, who broke the heart of many a teenage girl as he tossed his toupée into the marriage arena this past weekend and finally wedded the love of his life.

May both couples’ love blossom like a love-hungry lotus over the coming years and may all of their wedding gifts be exchangeable without a receipt.

BAR MITZVAH, FIRST COMMUNION, CIRCUMCISION COMING UP? LET ME KNOW. jonathan.cummins@gmail.com

>> Music Listings