Dear Sasha: I’m a 29 year-old man and have had pearly penile papules since I was 12. Until recently I didn’t know what they were and fell into a deep depression—even to this day it persists. The last girlfriend I had was over seven years ago and we were together for nearly two years, that being my longest and most significant relationship to date. The papules prevented me from allowing her to touch me, we rarely had intercourse and I never allowed her to see my penis. Presently I am single and have been afraid to even try to get into a relationship. It has made me feel alienated and very unhappy, but now I am reading that you can have laser surgery to remove them. Is this true? If it is, I will feel as if this great weight of selfloathing can be lifted from my shoulders and I can finally feel free and begin to live. —Thank You for Listening
Dear Thank You,
Honey, I feel your pain, I really do. I get loads of mail from people who are so mortified by what they perceive as defective sexual attributes (inadequate proportions, unusual dappling, floppy testicles, pup-tent-sized labia—the list goes on and on) that they deprive themselves completely of the pleasure that comes with sharing them. (In case readers don’t know, pearly penile papules, aside from being one of the most elegantly named skin conditions ever, are small, harmless and non-contagious white bumps on the penis.)
It is true that we live in a world of easily frightened people who have many constricting guidelines around sexual viability. Falling on the fatter side of things myself, and therefore completely revolting to many people, I can relate. Of course, I have some pretty ridiculous prejudices myself (I absolutely cannot stand people who name their children or pets after jazz musicians) so really, who am I to judge? Sometimes it seems so tempting just to hate everyone and everything when you’re not runway perfect, but you need to start developing some self-compassion and self-confidence if you’re going to get through this like a star. Look on the bright side: Here’s an opportunity for you to become a more evolved person and in the process invite more evolved people into your life. How’s that for a real weight off your shoulders—the ability to love and lust without such narrow limitations? Wow!
If you simply feel you cannot live to your potential with your pearly penile papules, you may have them removed by carbon dioxide laser surgery. A dermatologist is the person you would want to speak to, and you can begin researching them at www. dermatology.ca/english/index.html. I just need to say though, that you’d be doing yourself a huge injustice thinking your spotty dick is the one thing standing between you and a life as an imaginative and inspiring lover.
Dear Sasha: Four months ago I met the girl of my dreams. Smart, funny, sexy as all get-out and independent. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and then some. And do I mean then some.
She confessed to me a sexual interest in AB (adult baby) games. She loves pretending she’s a little girl, having me play the daddy, bathe her and spank her when she’s been bad. We’ve been exploring it, and as a result, I’ve been having severely mixed feelings about this. It turns me on, turns me off, turns me inside out. I’m wondering if you can offer some guidance in this regard, any resources that may help me understand better. —Seth
Dear Seth,
There are dozens of Web sites where you can join ageplay aficionados in sharing stories and pictures (and one that may interest you is http://ageplay.org), but very specific and encouraging guides like you might find for SM or polyamoury do not exist. Yet. For now, the most helpful recommendation I can think of is The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, which speaks eloquently about ethics around BDSM and “button-pushing” scenes, some of which involve ageplay. I spoke with Hardy, who also runs the super awesome Greenery Press. She said an ageplay guide has been at the back of her mind for a while, and in the meantime, also recommended Consensual Sadomasochism by Bill Henkin and Sybil Holiday as another option.
Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
