M Just saw the CORPUSSE show at Casa del Popolo. Man, what an attack on the senses. If he ever copulates with Peaches, that will surely be the birth of the ANTI-CHRIST. Rock ’n’ roll, man. [BLEEP!]

M I’m in some bar in NDG and they have CHOM on, unfortunately. I was just wondering if CHOM is aware that the Rolling Stones have written more than four songs? I’m not sure if they’re in tune with that yet. [BLEEP!]

M Any of you people who like DISCO—one of the greatest types of music ever, and I expect to get dissed for saying that, but I don’t care —anybody who likes disco, check out Friday mornings, I think, from four until seven on CKUT. Great DJ! Amazing DJ when it comes to disco! If you can actually wake up and get into disco that early in the morning, try it. Because the guy knows how to pick the songs. Just wanna give my two fingers up to that guy, man. Fucking great job. [BLEEP!]

F Okay, this is regarding the women at HMV, and the guy who said they were hot. First of all, you are one sad motherfucker to be going around looking at the employees at HMV! They couldn’t hack it as either DANCERS or GOLD DIGGERS and therefore have to resort to the $6.75 an hour to pay the bills because something’s broke with their pussy. Because if you have good pussy, you have money, my friend. [BLEEP!]

M I was just reading the Rant Line™ this week and what a boring bunch of shit. My rant doesn’t really have anything to do with the music scene, but I figured I’d leave it anyways, just to spice things up. I’m a PROFESSIONAL SHOPLIFTER. It’s not like it’s my dream job or anything, but I have a drug problem and, yo, that shit costs money. So that’s what I do to get it. So today, I’m in a giant nameless space-ship fucking supermarket doing my thing and it’s going perfectly well, I’ve got my package concealed. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I spot this guy checking me out. You know, there are all sorts of RISKS—like narcs, undercovers, staff employees, security—but this guy is none of the above, man. He’s just a fucking customer! And what does this fat fuck in a PINK POLO SHIRT do? He runs up to the counter to let them know that I’m boosting! As if my life isn’t hard enough. I could understand it if it was a little small mom-and-pop store—which I don’t do anyway, because that would be wrong—but this fucking store, man, this store’s already ripping you off. And this guy, he’s gotta choose to be the HERO OF THE DAY, to stop the shoplifting? What an asshole. So anyway, if you catch somebody boosting out of the corner of your eye, let it slide, because chances are they don’t have much choice. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the lady who asked why old men walk with their hands behind their back. It’s about alpha-male stuff. It’s to show you that they’re passive and you’re not gonna get hurt. Technically, at one point maybe they were alpha-male-like, but now they are not and they are letting you know you’re safe. [BLEEP!]

F The reason older men walk with their hands locked behind them is called etiquette. That’s how it was in their generation. And as for the barely legal girls who look legal? Dress like an adult, you’re going to get ACTION. [BLEEP!]

M Could anyone tell me why it’s still legal to put beluga whales in an aquarium? [BLEEP!]

M Chicks with LITTLE DOGS, they kind of confuse me. Are they a fashion toy, a bit of a fun time for all? Or maybe when the fashion trend dies the dog gets put down? I’m not quite sure about this but it’s the combination, it confuses me. [BLEEP!]

M I live on the street level and, like most of us, I want to see the HORIZON. Not just buildings and people. Are there any good spots in Montreal where you can see the fucking sunsets? We should not be insects under a SMOG ROOF. Now, the ocean would be asking for too much. I just pray for a large part of the sky to be in my eyes. Where is it? Thanks from me and for all of us. [BLEEP!]

M I just want to know why my girlfriend can’t walk around TOPLESS and these big fat mo-fucking guys can just walk around with tits four times as big—all SWEATY and stuff and nobody says anything. It’s not fair—we need equality. [BLEEP]

M You think the Rant Line™ is like the Jerry Springer Show?! I’m gonna kick your ass! Booooyyy! [BLEEP!]

M I only pee in YOUR shower, chickie. [BLEEP!]

F This is to all the hardcore, emo, cumming-on-your-ass motherfuckers. If you’re gonna cum on a girl’s ass, on your woman, on your lady’s ass, make sure you’re the one who wipes the cum off! Do not be a SHYSTY little bitch. Do your part, motherfucker. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum