Stop the motherfucking presses! A man in Victoria, B.C., wholly unintentionally and without any prompting, has become the first-ever recipient of the Montreal Mirror Headline Embodiment Award, by sinking his teeth into a three-year-old police dog in an attempt to fend it off, deftly edging out the pig fuckers, feces flingers and inbreds that normally fill this column.

Victoria police say the man rammed their vehicle with his after refusing to pull over during a routine traffic stop. He then got out of his car and tried to run away, which is when officers unleashed their German shepherd, Pago, who quickly caught up with the man. Realizing Pago had him beat in the leg race, the man turned and punched the pooch. Then he tried to choke Pago before finally clamping his teeth down on the quadrupedal crimefighter.

As Pago’s handler later explained, when a dog is bitten, it tends to bite back even harder. The man faces charges of dangerous driving, assaulting a police officer and possession. Neither man nor canine suffered serious injuries.

» Scott Saxon