by JOHN CUSTODIO

It all started with the “Gay Eskimo” song, which Phil Nichol wrote 14 years ago when he was still a member of the comedy troupe Corky and the Juice Pigs. He had no idea how big of a hit the song would be, never mind that he’d be accused of homophobia for it. And he certainly couldn’t have known that that accusation would one day lead him to write his most successful one-man show to date, Nearly Gay.

Mirror: What happened, exactly, that night that [gay comic] Scott Capurro accused you of homophobia?

Phil Nichol: It’s the last night of the [1998] Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and I’m hosting an evening of stand-up at the biggest comedy venue in the city. Some of the best comedians on the international circuit have come to jam. Everyone’s having a great time.

I end the show with the Gay Eskimo song. Everyone takes turns singing a verse, and we’re all doing impressions. So I had Rich Hall singing it like Lou Reed, someone else singing it like Elvis, another like Dylan, and it’s getting big laughs.

All of a sudden, Scott’s on stage. He stops the band, shushes the audience, and starts ranting about how homophobic we’re all being, and he’s obviously really angry. After he leaves the stage, someone leans into a mic and says, “I don’t get it. He’s not Eskimo.”

But I’m flabbergasted, because I like Scott, and I didn’t know where this was coming from. But all of the comedians on stage, and the people in the audience, they were all like, “Keep going, keep going. Don’t worry about it.” So we keep going.

Scott comes back on stage, stops the band again, takes my mic and throws it at me, then leaves. At this point, I’m like, “Guys, I can’t go on with this.” But the other comedians don’t want to stop, so I tell the audience, “Look, I’m not trying to be offensive, and I don’t want to hurt anybody. If anything, I wrote that song partly to express my solidarity, because I know what it’s like to feel lonely and disenfranchised. So Scott, if you’re still here, this is for you”—at which point all of the comedians on stage, and the audience, sing a beautiful, heartfelt a cappella rendition of the song.

M: Wow. So you wrote Nearly Gay to prove you’re not homophobic?

PN: Partly. I mean, I hang out with gay guys a lot, I used to live with a gay couple, I LOVE partying with my gay friends. I’m about as gay as you can get, except that I don’t do guys. But that’s not good enough for some people. It’s like they won’t be satisfied until I say I’m gay.

M: Or suck their cock.

PN: Or suck their cock—which is why I always say I’m only about six inches from being gay. But another reason I wrote this show was to expand my skills as a performer. I wanted to experiment. People who are used to my frenetic rampaging will see something very different in this show, which is in a more anecdotal, storytelling style.

M: So how are things between you and Scott now? Are you nearly lovers, or just nearly friends?

PN: Well, we’re friends now that I’ve fucked him. But I’m not gay, just my cock is.

Phil Nichol performs at JFL July 13–23 at Théâtre Ste-Catherine (264 Ste-Catherine E.). All shows are $15 and begin at 9 p.m.

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