by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Patricia Hovington

Age: 38

Occupation: Caterer

Bio: When this gallant downtown resident closed her gourmet food store, Akacia, a few years back, her former customers decided they wanted nothing of it and continued seeking her out for the superior home catering service she’d been providing on the side. Working exclusively on word of mouth, Patricia now runs a service called A Simple Detail, where she will come to your home while you’re busy at work, prepare a top-notch meal for you, leave it all behind for you to heat up upon your return, and then come back later to do all the cleaning once you’re done. Having worked in the local fine dining biz for over 21 years, Patricia’s primary market is well-to-do bachelors both looking to entertain the women folk in the privacy of their lairs, or who simply feel like coming home, however many nights of the week, to a top-notch dining experience. “People don’t have time to put on the evenings they’d like to anymore. So they pass up on a lot of details just because of the time factor: the cooking, pairing the wines, setting up the table properly, getting the right flowers to match their table cloths, all that girly stuff. But there are few limits to what A Simple Detail can do.”

One thing Patricia can probably do for you: Get you laid. “For a single guy, who instead of going out to dinner wants to have a girl over, well, I’m kind of like the other woman who quietly comes in through the back door and sets everything up. I’ll do it using his stuff, and arrange for fresh flowers and maybe a little gift at the end of the evening. For example, if it’s his first or second date, maybe we’ll use roses, or orchids, and put them all over the table, depending on his budget, of course. I do all of this quietly, in advance, so she doesn’t even have to know that the evening has been prepared by somebody else.”

Given all the attention to detail she provides, don’t these women ever suspect their date is homosexual? Not that Patricia is aware of.

Is her service less expensive than simply stopping off at, say, Zen, or the Globe, for a quick bite on the way home from work? “Oh, definitely.”

Is it safe to assume she doesn’t do a lot of business in Verdun or the Point? Yes. “I find I’m in Outremont and Westmount a lot. “

Do her clients generally treat her respectfully or with the same regard they might treat their Filipino house slaves? “I just won’t accept rudeness, although, yes, there is a certain amount of diplomacy involved. I’ll finish off the evening gracefully but when these people ask me to return the next time they’ll find I’m always busy.”

How to hire her: Call (514) 296-8773

Musical preferences: Josh Jones

Words of wisdom: “Listen to your voice, and not to the people saying you can’t do it. They’ll probably benefit by your not being creative.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net