M This is a rant concerning DJ A-Trak. There was a picture of him in the Mirror wearing some sunglasses—not on the cover, on the inside. They’re my IDEAL sunglasses and I’d really like to know if anyone knew what they were. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is for the guy who said that guys wearing Capri pants and flip-flops look like fags. Well, listen, I hope they do because that’s frigging hot! [BLEEP!]

M I’m calling in response to the bozo who called all men who wear Capris and flip-flops fags. Dude, you say you have no problem with gay people, yet you refer to them by using a pejorative term: fag. How ironic is that? Secondly, Capri pants themselves have nothing to do with an individual’s sexuality. It’s something called a trend, comfort, fashion—even self-expression. I think we live in a city where we can do as we please without considering being stigmatized with labels like gay, feminine and whatnot by idiots like you. Clearly, you have HOMOPHOBIC DEVIANT BEHAVIOUR. And you know what they say about homophobes, right? Why else would someone even call the Rant Line™ and rant about clothes to begin with? You’re probably gay and don’t know it yet! So if you don’t like how guys dress in Montreal, I suggest you move to some conservative, Middle Eastern country where people that dress differently are SHOT IN THE HEAD. You could fight your stupid pointless anti-Capri/flip-flops war there. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M To the guy talking about LICE if you grow dreads. Anybody who doesn’t WASH their hair or sleeps in the street is gonna get lice. It’s not only people who have dreads in their hair. It’s people who don’t wash! You need to travel more and get to know things in different cultures and stop being close-minded and ignorant about what dreadlocks are. It’s not about being dirty and scruffy, it’s just locking and intertwining the hair! Wash yourself and you won’t get lice, buddy. [BLEEP!]

M Let me get this straight. Dreads are something you EARN? But strength and spirituality follow like snapping your fingers once they’re in there? Interesting. Dreads take work. Inner peace is as easy as getting dreads. All right. [BLEEP!]

F Yes, hello. I see people are calling with beauty advice. I have this problem right now. I have a skin condition and it makes me look like a LEPER if it’s not kept in check. The only thing that helps is raw, untreated SHEA BUTTER. I’ve been looking everywhere in this damn city and can’t find any. So please rant back if you know where there’s any in town. No offence to the lepers or anything. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I’m just calling to say that ROCK STAR DELIVERIES has the best blow in town. [BLEEP!]

F This is to Keith, who was complaining about film crews taking his neighbourhood over savagely. They’re supposed to give you 24-hour notice. If not, you should complain to the Bureau de cinéma. The number is 872-2883. I don’t know if it really works but maybe they get a bad record. [BLEEP!]

F This is a response to the dyke who was harassed at Monk metro. First off, I would like to say that SLAVERY happened and is still happening today because of greed and capitalism, not ignorance. It’s a bit selfish and ignorant to compare being made fun of to the kidnapping, murder and enslavement of hundreds of millions of people for profit. Unfortunately, we are NOT on the same side—homophobia and racism are not the same thing. Our struggles are unique and by understanding each other’s struggles, the best we can hope for is to become allies. You have probably been so pre-occupied by your abuse, your opinion, your sexual orientation, your girlfriend—you, you, you—that you haven’t even noticed that there have been many Hitlers and holocausts since Nazi Germany—some of which are happening right now. Maybe you should go to the library and educate yourself sometime. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who said a black guy was making fun of her because she’s a dyke. And she asked, how would he feel if a SKINHEAD made fun of him. Do me a favour, stop stereotyping skinheads! We’re not based on race or anything like that. It’s people like you who don’t know our history who give us a bad name. Learn about our history before you speak. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F This goes out to that little loudmouth dyke who called me out and called me bitch. Listen, kid, I was at Lips. I don’t know who you are or even if there actually is this personal trainer friend of yours that’s supposedly so hot. You know what I say? Forget about it. You know what? I’m sure you were that old lady that was sprawled out on the bench, airing out her twat. That looked like she was so stoned and was salivating over the young chicks there, eh? You know what? Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and why don’t you say over the PA who the fuck you are, all right? Put it where it is, bitch. Bring it on! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum