by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Goretti Monte

Age: 30

Occupation: “Basically, I’m a time saver.”

Bio: This delightful Nuns’ Island temptress had been working as a personal assistant to the CEO of a small corporation before downsizing rendered her position obsolete. She decided it was time to start doing what she loves, which is helping people save valuable time through better organization. Now running www.solutions4time.com, Goretti not only rents herself out as a personal concierge but also offers a service where she will come to your space and discard your clutter, helping you to better organize both your environment and time as a result. She drives a 2006 H3 Hummer.

Why you might want to hire her: Because “people see all that clutter in their garage, or closet, or storage space, and go, ‘Damn, I’ll have to do something about that—but later, I’ve got better things to do now.’ They sometimes need that gentle kick in the ass, so I’ll come over, go through your stuff, assess your situation and we’ll commit to a plan to eliminate your clutter. It’s really good to have someone doing this with you, because people tend to hold on to things they’ll never, ever need. But, like, if you’ve had something for over a year that you’ve never used, you probably don’t really need it. Once we’ve gotten rid of your clutter, I’ll organize everything that’s left. You need shelves? We’ll get you some shelves.”

Universal clutter culprit Number One: Gifts. “You know those gifts people give you that you just don’t like? eBay them away, or donate them to charity.”

Universal clutter culprit Number Two: Clothes. “You might have clothes in your wardrobe that you like but never wear. Maybe they don’t fit you anymore but instead of throwing them out you go, ‘Ah, maybe I might wear this again someday,’ but you probably won’t. Every season you should do a clothes clean-up, determine what you’ll actually wear and what you won’t and get rid of the stuff you’ll never wear. And now that it’s summer, put all your winter clothes away in plastic containers, that way you’ll have more space for the clothes you’re actually wearing now.”

Why people hang on to their junk: “Because of the fear they might someday want to use whatever it is. But what happens is you wind up with so much clutter you forget what you have and end up buying the same things over and over again, creating even more clutter.”

Why she drives a Hummer: “Because life is too short, you have to enjoy it.”

Has she considered life will be even shorter for everyone on the planet if people keep on driving Hummers? “Well, I also need it for my business. I really do need the space.”

Last book read: Eleven Minutes, by Paolo Coelho.

Musical preferences: Pussycat Dolls, Devo, Shania Twain.

Words of wisdom: “Life is too short, do what you want to do, don’t worry about what people might say.”

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