Dear Sasha: I have been working as a dancer and occasionally as an escort for many years. Three years ago, while visiting my family, my father made the unfortunate decision to go looking through my personal possessions (uninvited.)
What he found explicitly revealed my line of occupation—photographs, paraphernalia etc. Since then, his behaviour has become very weird and sexual. He does not come out and say, “I know what you do.” But his behaviour and body language says it for him.
My family is very religious, especially my mother. I am afraid that if she were to find out what I do for a living it could destroy my family. I haven’t spoken to my father in a year and a half now because his behaviour infuriates and disgusts me. What little I have tried to explain, my father denies. It’s like he treats me like a sexual whore and can no longer see me as a daughter. Now my mother is caught in the middle of this problem and I can’t bring myself to tell her the whole story. I feel totally trapped. Do other sex-workers encounter this kind of problem with their families? —A Not so Private Dancer
Dear Not,
I would guess that most candid sex workers have had family conflict over their chosen line of work. Even when a family is non-religious, myths and stereotypes about sex workers are generally alarmist and depressing—built-in biases that don’t exactly expedite the disclosing of one’s personal involvement. Additionally, many people who believe sex work is wrong based on their faith have little inspiration to challenge this notion by educating themselves about its positive aspects and the possibility of it being a legitimate profession.
The Bible says it’s unethical. What else is there to know? I have had solicitous and (grrr!) uninformed opinions pressed on me because apparently, though they come from people whose experience with sex workers is woefully limited, they know better. My own relationship with direct family has been taxed by a difference of opinions and it’s obvious that some people will never be convinced that my choices are valid. Apparently, despite my tangible personal experience, I am deluded, and so far nobody’s had much luck convincing me of this by referring to spiritual beliefs that have no basis in logic. There’s no arguing with faith. It’s like trying to wrestle with the wind.
What you need is some good old-fashioned empowering. Sex-work.org is a Canadian-run Web site by and for sex workers. I would join and take advantage of their resources and forums.
Dear Sasha: A guy at my job and I have been flirting for the past three months, and the other day he decides to slip his hand in my pants after squeezing my breasts. I didn’t really mind, but the only thing is that I had been at work all day and my area wasn’t as fresh as I would’ve liked it to be at the moment. It didn’t smell like stinky vagina but it had a hint of sweaty pubes. I am so embarrassed. He caught me off guard and it happened so fast, otherwise I would have stopped him. I don’t want him to think I am nasty or dirty. How can I explain the situation without it being awkward or does it need an explanation at all? —So Embarrassed
Dear So,
Honey, you are nasty and dirty, and not because like every woman trapped in an office and a pair of knit slacks for eight hours you get a muggy box, but because you let a work colleague grab your tits ’n’ bits on the company dime. Bless your nasty, dirty little heart. Girls like you make me leap out of bed in the morning.
We’ve all been there in one way or another, haven’t we ladies? You’re looking over some spreadsheets or perhaps you’re on a long, hot drive somewhere exciting and things get abruptly and irreversibly intimate and the next thing you know someone’s fingering your not-so-daisy-fresh area. My feeling is that boys who stick their hands in girls’ panties with little or no warning shouldn’t be surprised if what’s in there bites back, but I can sympathize with your anxiety because that pussy shame shit is hardwired. Consider sending a saucy note about taking things up where you left off—this time with a little more preparation.
Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
