Video game review by ERIK LEIJON

Massively multiplayer online games (MMOs): love ’em or hate ’em, they’ve taken over the PC game world and are single-handedly turning video game playing into an addiction in the vein of alcohol or drugs (try talking to someone obsessed with World of Warcraft and you’ll understand).

Modern MMOs have been around since 1997, starting with Ultima Online, and nearly all of them have taken place in boring fantasy, Tolkien-inspired worlds. NCsoft has heard my cries for an MMO that might interest the working man, which appears now in the form of Auto Assault (PC/NCsoft, ArenaNet). It’s like Guild Wars, but for a “real” man—with cars, explosions and Dukes of Hazzard-style jumps.

So how did the man’s MMO (to steal a phrase from Tim Allen) turn out? It was slightly disheartening since I was hoping for Auto Assault to make all of the fantasy-based MMOs eat dust. The clunky menu systems common to the genre still exist, and the need to fraternize with other gamers, the kinds who typically sport the word “pwn” in their name, is also unavoidable. The only things to console me early on were the course racing sequences and the purr of my customizable vehicle’s engine.

For everyone else, Auto Assault borrows the non-linear mission-driven gameplay of Guild Wars and puts it in a post-apocalyptic war zone à la Mad Max or 12 Monkeys. Three factions—humans, mutants and Borg wannabes the Biomeks—are battling for the remaining territory on Earth circa 2100. In single player, you drive around, shoot things, level up and then upgrade your car. That’s about it, even though the story mode seems endless.

MMOs go by a different mantra than other games. Action and gameplay take a back seat to communication and item collection. Auto Assault has both of these things (even though all the servers had very low gamer populations), but since there are cars instead of wizards, the missions are faster-paced and contain more battles. The best part of the game is being able to pimp your ride with front and back weapons, big engines and protective shielding. The environments are also completely destructible, and you actually get rewarded for finding big jumps.

The missions do become redundant, and unless you like spending hours level-building you may become frustrated. MMOs are not my forté, but in giving Auto Assault the college try, I was impressed with the attempts to deviate from the fantasy universe. The car elements are where Auto Assault feels like a fresh and intriguing title, but inevitably it is bogged down by the menu system, and this excess of menus can make upgrading your character’s abilities difficult and tedious. You need a credit card to sign up (since you have to pay a monthly fee after the first month), but unfortunately the man’s MMO might not have a community by then.

50 CCs of Tetris, STAT

Doctors have been telling us for years to have an apple a day, but consider telling them to add video games to their daily regimen. A study by Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City with the National Institute on Media and the Family concluded in their study that surgeons who played Super Monkey Ball for 20 minutes before performing surgery were faster and had a steadier hand.

The study’s lead investigator, Dr. James “Butch” Rosser, has been playing games since Pong in the ’70s.

Grand Theft Pong

Are you ready for the next macabre, depraved title from the makers of Grand Theft Auto? Well what’s more sick and twisted than a sim about Ping Pong? Rockstar Games Presents Table Tennis (X360, Rockstar, Rockstar San Diego) is exclusive to the Xbox 360 and should be in stores right now.