Dear Sasha: I consider myself to be knowledgeable about most things sexual, but one thing has me stumped. Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a man when I have sex with my boyfriend, using my fingers, strap-on or household objects. He enjoys this role reversal but he’s new to this and wants to take it slowly. In other words, I haven’t gone “balls deep.”
I would never want him to feel he has to do anything that made him uncomfortable just to please me, which is why I haven’t made a big deal about this fantasy I have. I like to fantasize about having a man come on my stomach, breasts, face, whatever, and then I make him lick it up. I fantasize I am a man and that it is my come that I make my partner “clean up.”
I’ve seen this in gay porn but never with a straight couple. I would like to find some movies, but I have no idea what this is called so I can search for it. I’ve found snowballing movies but that doesn’t get me off the way this does. Please help! —Shirley
Dear Shirley,
Apparently you have the last undesignated fetish in the world, but for fun, let’s call it Clean Up Man (note the handy acronym) and see how long it takes for the porn industry to catch on.
What we’ve got here in general terms is a classic role-playing fetish known as bobbing (this acronym is derived from Bend Over Boyfriend), and I am not surprised that the specifics you depict aren’t exploited more frequently in mainstream adult films. Though I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who hasn’t tasted his own come (and a friend who does gang bang films tells me there are fellows who wait around the set for the sheer privilege of lapping up the mess), porn is very slow to role reverse, and come-eating is seen as women’s work. But how many of us know straight men that love getting their asses fucked and how long did it take for even the independent adult industry to put that on film? Now there are whole series devoted to it, like Strap Attack and Babes Balling Boys. The adult industry, though slow on the uptake sometimes, embraces fetishes zealously when they do, hoping to be the first in a saturated market to cash in on something new. Sexism, I’m afraid though, often overrides greed.
I e-mailed Violet Blue, author of the Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos. “Generally the type of (straight) porn where men eat their own come is in BDSM or kink videos—het porn seems to think it’s only a kinky practice. It’s more common than that,” she replied. “But to find scenes of that, look for films with female doms and male submissives, like from companies such as Bizarre Video and RedBoard Video.”
Something else you may want to do is go to the Web site www.pftp.com. Porn for the People is run by Matt and Tyler, an enterprising, sexy boy/girl couple in their 30s who make personalized smut and burn it to DVD for you on demand. By press time they hadn’t responded to my request for Clean Up Man porn, but I’ll let you know if they get back to me and what it’ll set you back if they’re willing to do it.
Dear Sasha: I saw your article about big pussy lips, which I just love. The problem is I can’t find any girls to date with them. I mean, what am I supposed to say, “Do you have big pussy lips?” It just sucks to be disappointed when I finally get there to find not a lot down there! Is there a way to meet women with that? —Jack
Dear Jack,
If this is such a priority for you, why not take advantage of online personals and make it clear in a profile? People seeking out sexual partners in the swing and gay scene are shamelessly unambiguous about genital size and intention. Carol Cox’s adult personal and lifestyle site http://www.adultlifestylesnetwork.com/ seems an ideal place to meet people who prioritize sexual attributes. You may also want to look into clit and labial pumping—something that gives even the most tame pussy some serious substance.
Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
