Dear Sasha: I read your column every week, always hoping to read something like the situation I’m in, but to no avail. Therefore I’ve been forced to write to you myself, seeing as how nobody else seems to have the same issues.

I’m a straight, married male, 29 years old. I’m in a happy relationship, where the sex is decent but not amazing. But the thing is that I seem to have a fetish for extremely large cocks. While I have no interest in being a gay man, or having a relationship with a guy, I’m obsessed with the huge cock.

But here’s the kicker: I’m more turned on by the whole notion if another woman is involved. Somehow, her being involved, and almost forcing me onto the huge cock is a big part of the turn on. Does this make any sense to you? My questions are: (a) What does this mean? Is there a name for it, and am I the only one who experiences this? (b) What does this make me? And (c) What would you recommend I do about this fetish that seems to never leave my head? —Phil

Dear Phil,
If you were an avid reader, you’d know that most men are obsessed with big cocks, whether it’s having one of their own or roosting on someone else’s. Add to that a woman forcing you to take it like a bitch and you’ve pretty much summed up the Western male’s sexuality as we know it: I didn’t want to be fucked in two, my mom made me.

Most sex shops have an array of big to baguette-sized dildos, some with suction cups on the base that you can adhere to toilet seats, coffee tables or chairs and go to town. (At a party last week a friend amused us all by sticking one of these to a dishwasher door and fucking herself with it. Sorry I didn’t invite you).

As usual, the bigger problem is how to let the spouse in on your groove, because I’m going to guess that you went and got married without informing the spouse of your groove in the hopes that the deep satisfaction of conjugal love would snuff it out. So how do you safely bring up fantasies with a partner you’ve kept in the dark? There’s no guarantee that someone’s not going to flip their lid (but what did they think for butter or wurst meant? Har, har), so here are a few literary resources to mitigate that possibility: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue, Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen and coming out this July, Threeways: Fulfill Your Ultimate Fantasies by Diana Cage. You’ll probably want some guides on the mechanics too, and anal sex tomes are amongst the most thoroughly written of all the how-to books. Two worth looking into are Jack Morin’s Anal Pleasure and Health and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent.

And speaking of books…

“This was the year that the U.S Attorney General’s office declared war on porn once again... Will the campaign against depictions of fantasy sadism and depravity at home make us forget the images of real-life sadism and depravity at Abu Ghraib?”

I always expect a lot from Cleis Press (The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, Edmund White’s Arts and Letters, all the “Ultimate” guides) but they’ve got me sending them cosmic high-fives for their Best Sex Writing 2006, edited by Felice Newman and Frederique Delacoste. The above quote from the introduction ushers in an enthralling compilation of essays—political, personal and scientific—by some of North America’s best sexuality writers.

You would hardly know it from the deluge of shit that crosses my desk every week—popish, ineffectual advice guides filled with slapdash acronyms and buzz words authors seem to devise for the sheer intent of talk show gab—but some interesting things are happening in sex culture and science. Female orgasm is the new frontier (and drug companies are finally rushing to capitalize on it), award-winning filmmakers are creating projects that feature real sex, and teenagers are reaping the perils and benefits of sex-positive culture. All of these topics and many more are explored in Best Sex. If you ever wished Granta put out a Fuck issue, this’ll be a great read for you.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM