M Why is it that when I go to a place like Buona Notte and spend $600 on a bottle of VODKA on a Saturday frickin’ night, all I hear is TRAIN-WRECKING from the DJ. Track after track after track. This guy is out of control! I mean, I mix. If it’s not mixing, don’t cross it over—don’t pass the fader, you know? At worst, just cut it. And especially in a place where I’m supposed to be in the elite scene of Montreal. Bullshit. Get a better DJ. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but learn how to beat match. It’s house music for crying out loud, it’s not that hard. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Howdy. This is Roger from Kops Crew just calling to say that although Shades of Culture aren’t really a band any more, and they might be OLDER than your dad, those motherfuckers have toured more, worked harder and brought more motherfuckers under their wing than any hip hop crew in this city. For that, they deserve your respect. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M This rant concerns my dissatisfaction with the COOKIE-CUTTER hip hop shit going on in this city. I would like to know why it’s always just turntables and MCs. There’s always like 12 MCs SCREAMING their brains out and you can’t hear what the fuck they’re saying. Even when there’s a live band, there’s always a discrepancy between the MC and the live band. I’ve only seen one band in this town that actually does both things: plays their instruments and rhymes at the same time, and they kick total ass. Nobody knows about them. Bozquo. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, this is D.L. from the Peer Pressure Crew and I just wanted to take the time to thank everybody who voted for us in the Best Promoter category in the Best of Montreal. I was quite surprised and this actually means a lot more to me than you guys will ever know. And I’ll be sure to keep those bangin’ events comin’ at you. Holler. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I’m calling up about people that live in the Plateau Mont-Royal, that live on very low income and often times they eat at la Maison des Amis at 4395 Papineau. They have a PIANO on site and they would like someone to come and play piano—someone who knows how to play piano—from around 12:45 to 1:30 p.m. or from 3 till 5 p.m. The person to contact is Pierre Martin. So if anybody would like to help the poor to enjoy a bit of music, please let them know. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, this is concerning the Best of Montreal Reader’s Poll 2006, the Best Graffiti Crew in Montreal. Me, I think that’s a bunch of bullshit. Half of those crews I’ve never even heard of, and I’ve been following the game for a long time. Crews like K6A, DA, GSM, ATM—those crews are the ones that keep it real right now and those are the ones that should have been mentioned. I mean, something should be done for next year. Thank you very much. [BLEEP!]

F The world, as far as graffiti goes: some art is good, some art is shit. We all know that. But I’d rather look at a wall full of colours, design, expression and history than look at a wall that’s white and plain. I don’t find it makes the city look dirty at all. I find it brings more LIFE. [BLEEP!]

F I have a few things to say. Number one, I can’t say I know any 14-year olds who are tagging—most of them are in their 30s. Have fun with that. Secondly, what music scene? It all sucks. And tell the emos to stop going everywhere because they suck and they can keep their 12-year-old asses at home. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to Smack Daddy J. I saw your shit on myspace, and you’re probably going to hell. But all it made me wonder is who fucked you more: your father or your uncle? [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I’m new to this city and I’m just wondering where’s a good place in town to get some DREADLOCKS put in. I wanna have some put in for the first time in a couple years and since I just relatively got here, I don’t know which are the good places, which are the bad places. People might not think that it’s important to get a good place for dreadlocks, but I feel it really is. So someone hit me back with some information. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is to all you fuckers and screwheads out there that KICK THE BIKES and break the wheels around the poles. You’ve seen it—some old bike that’s all bent up and out of shape. Either steal the fucking thing or just leave it alone, you know? [BLEEP!]

F My subject is BIG GIRLS AND SEX. I’m a big girl and one of my gorgeous lovers told me that he has had sex with the most beautiful women, but the big girls are better in bed. He said it’s because big girls have sex like it’s the last time they will have sex. I told him: Fuck you. It’s not because I can’t find partners that I’m so good in bed. It’s just because I love dick! Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum