Dear Sasha: A friend and I recently visited a sex shop in order to purchase her first vibrator. At the check-out, the male employee tested the vibrator to make sure it worked (pretty standard) and then informed her that she needed to buy a special kind of soap, of which he had two varieties available. I have had a vibrator for a while now, but I had never been told about any “special soap” or cleansing products. Is this really true or was he just trying to up-sell us? And if we do need to use special cleaning agents, which should we be looking for? —Putting the “Fun” Back in “Anti-Fungal”

Dear Putting,
You don’t need special soap to clean sex toys. You can wipe a non-porous vibrator down with a damp cloth, and if it’s made of a softer material, a little soap too, really anything you’d use on your body. Mainstream sex shops will try to push special cleansers, some very articulately, but the two sex shops I generally trust not to up-sell do not carry sex toy cleaners. The first told me the contents are often suspect and sometimes not even listed. The second said the ingredients tend to irritate some people and it’s no wonder: those listed in one brand I looked into are also in moist towelettes and hair styling products.

Dear Sasha: I have this friend that I have recently become attracted to. A few months ago we got drunk and dry-humped the hell out of each other. Awesome, but here’s the kicker: she’s 17 and I’m 22. Not so awesome.

Because I am an idiot, I’ve allowed it to happen more than once. Last time we were making out, she stuck my hand down her pants, but I lost my mind and yanked it out. I want her to be happy and well-adjusted, so an inappropriate relationship that would have her sneaking around and lying to those she cares about isn’t what’s best for her. I need to break this thing off and hopefully not ruin our friendship, but I have no idea what to say to her. She’s the first girl I’ve ever kissed, and while I’m pretty certain that I’m bisexual, she identifies as straight, and I don’t want this to play out like some bad pulp novel—conniving older woman traps innocent girl into life of sapphic servitude. And besides, I’m breaking laws and I feel guilty, except for the part where I totally don’t feel guilty because she’s weird and smart and hot and I genuinely care for her. I don’t think this will end well. —Help

Dear Me when I was 22,
Maybe your melodramatics verge on criminal but fucking a 17-year old is legal whether you’re 22 or 76. You’re right about one thing though: this isn’t going to end well. Not because you’re supposedly older (and shut up about that, by the way) and not because she’s straight, but because the two of you are likely a couple of wing-nut art school girls who are going to get yourselves locked in one of those combustible liaisons that only ends when someone gets a piercing or hank of dreadlocks ripped out.

Dear Sasha: I have been dating this girl for two years now. I love her to death. And she loves me, and we are going to college together and do plan to get married in the future. When we met in our senior year in high school she told me she had two sex partners. I was a virgin when we met. Should the fact that she was not a virgin and I was bother me or should I just forget about it and go with our future? She did tell me she regrets sleeping with them and wishes I was the first one, but should I believe her or is she telling me what I want to hear? —Otto

Dear Otto,
Why does your girlfriend have to regret her past? Why was it wrong for her to have intimacy with other people? What if they enjoyed themselves with her? How are you going to control that possibility?

If you hassle someone in a way that threatens their security with you, chances are they will lie. Learn to be a man, hold your shit and love and respect someone for who they are, not who they fucked.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM