by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Alexandra Kramer

Age: 31

Occupation: Animal trainer

Bio: This ethereal yet well-grounded Plateau broad grew up in Bonn, Germany, and arrived in Montreal via London, England, to live with her Canadian-born hubby and study photography at Concordia. And then, two years ago, she wound up with her first dog and life would never be the same for her again. “I became obsessed with the animals and reforming the way people train them. All of a sudden that was all I read and cared about.” Seeking the wisdom she now possesses on all things dog, Alex travelled far and wide to study pooches under many of the great names of international dog training—all people you’ve no doubt never heard of, but who inspire profound erections among those who pay attention to these things. Having adopted the “clicker method” of animal training, she now trains both animals and their owners to better communicate with one another through her school, Dog Gone Positive. “I love this so much. It’s so beautiful to see how the relationship changes between people and their dogs after only a few weeks of clicker training.”

What the hey is clicker training? Essentially, it involves a specially designed clicking device which reinforces positive behaviour alongside a requisite doggy treat. “It’s really classical conditioning. This particular clicking sound stimulates a part of the animal’s brain which is very pleasurable to them. There’s considerably more to it than just this, of course, but the method is very precise—and very effective.”

Does she ever get discouraged trying to “reform people’s attitudes” towards canines? “Oh yes. You know, I’ll get people calling up asking if I give obedience training and I’ll go, ‘Well, it depends on what you mean by obedience.’ I don’t believe forcing an animal to obey is a nice way of looking at it. Sure, I’ll teach your dog behaviour, while I teach you how to train it to think and be a problem solver. But these people invariably say, ‘Well, forget it. I don’t want my dog to think, I only want my dog to listen.’ It happens a lot. But if all they want is a machine that does only what it’s told and nothing else, like, what’s the point?”

On the Internet there are several videos of women who really love dogs, so much so that they engage in sexual relations with them. When a dog is engaged in intercourse with a human partner, do they see themselves as dominant or submissive? “A male dog with a woman? Definitely dominant, for sure.”

What it costs to have Rover trained via Dog Gone Positive? $40 for a single lesson, or $200 for a package of six lessons. Go to www.freewebs.com/doggonepositive/ for the full scoop.

Will she train cats too? Yes.

Where you might find her boozin’: Casa del Popolo, Korova on Monday nights.

Last book read: Dr. Pitcairn’s Complete Guide to Natural Health for Dogs and Cats, by Richard and Susan Pitcairn.

Musical preferences: Kings of Convenience, Joy Division.

Words of wisdom: “Seeking means: to have a goal; but finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net