by SARAH ROWLAND

World Wrestling Entertainment star Kane™ takes his shtick out of the rings and brings it to the silver screen and the result is 90 minutes of brainless gore, aka See No Evil. So to all the WWE fans: you created this monster—enjoy.

In exchange for lighter sentences, eight delinquents sign up for a co-ed community-service program that entails converting an abandoned hotel into a homeless shelter. But before they can clean their way to an early release, they have to survive a night on the haunted premises. And, of course, resist the temptation to snoop around the top floors, which are strictly “forbidden” (trigger word for teenagers to split up into small groups and go explore creepy secluded areas).

Thus, the doomed teens (all the stereotypes are here: klepto skank, nerdy hacker and gun-toting gangster etc.) barely get a chance to spark up some “homegrown” and whip out the jimmies before a seven-foot-tall, 300-pound mute madman (Kane™) starts raining on their parade. The oversized psycho, it turns out, is a bit of a collector of sorts. He enjoys scooping out people’s eyes and pickling them in specimen jars.

Which brings to mind the age-old adage: You’ve seen one eyeball ripped from its socket, you’ve seen them all. And unfortunately, this seems to be director Gregory Dark’s only trick. The slayings, after all, are pretty non-eventful—split skulls, crushed chests, industrial-chain strangulation and the old reliable fornicating-teen slaughter. Dark does show a little ironic humour when the animal activist (jailed for setting free some lab critters) gets eaten alive by a pack of wild dogs and the gossipy bitch chokes on her own cell.

As for the killer’s motives, they’re fairly standard as well. Through flashbacks, we learn that our monster had a rather unsavoury upbringing involving plenty of bibles and beatings. But this makeshift plot, and the entire film in general for that matter, is basically a poorly disguised excuse for producer (none other than Joel Simon, president of WWE Films) to cash in on the millions of inbred viewers who tune in every week to watch Kane™ bodyslam his opponents.

See No Evil opens Friday, May 19

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