Heavy is as heavy does

Priestess are baffled by their BOM win

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Well, I guess the people have spoken and picked Priestess as Montreal’s heaviest band. I guess my first question would have to be: Do you people all have wax in yer ears?

There is little doubt that Priestess are indeed as rocking as they come, but when stacking them up to some of Montreal’s fiercest ballast blasters, they come across like limp-wristed pantywaists. Why aren’t the real masters of heaviosity, like

Cryptopsy, Ion Dissonance, And the Saga Continues, Squalor or Voivod battling it out on top?

Heck, my band Bionic came in second and we sound like Cat Power compared to the Fallout Project (RIP) or Cobra Noir. The Mirror tracked down Priestess singer/guitarist Mikey Heppner while he was on tour in Fargo, North Dakota to give him the weird news.

Mirror: Congratulations Mikey, you just won the illustrious title of being Montreal’s heaviest band in this year’s Best of Montreal poll.

Mikey Heppner: What?

M: I said you just won…

MH: (laughs) Oh my God, are you serious? Hmmm, I guess that’s cool but it’s a little weird. We actually beat out Voivod?

M: Yep.

MH: Weird. I would’ve thought that Cryptopsy is the heaviest band in Montreal. There’s a whole plethora of bands in Montreal that are way heavier than us. I don’t know, I guess it’s a good category to be in. I know a lot more people would go to a Cryptopsy show than a Priestess show but I guess weekly papers just don’t get left next to the crapper in the secret dungeon that underground metal lives in. Did Mad Parish and Metallian make the list?

M: Yes.

MH: What about Squalor, And the Saga Continues and Hands of Death?

M: Nada.

MH: Man, that’s a travesty. When people hear “Run Home” on CHOM and think that is the heaviest thing in Montreal, they’re pretty fucked.

M: Okay, you’re hardly kissing babies with joy over the good news, so bring us up to date with what’s been happening with Priestess.

MH: Well, we have now toured the States in two full circles. We started out with the Sword and Early Man and that tour was just fucking great. Then we started the tour with Dinosaur Jr. and Dead Meadow and that was just so awesome. It was just a great audience every night and people were there to see Dinosaur Jr., but they were really receptive to us, and the Dinosaur Jr. guys turned out to be the nicest guys. Now we’re doing shows on our own and we get to play our regular-length set.

M: Now that you guys are officially signed to RCA, when is the record coming out in the States?

MH: It’s coming out on June 13th and then we’re going to be on tour forever. We get home in the middle of May and then get ready to go back out. Hey, who came in second?

M: Bionic

MH: (laughs) Well, at least we’re not as pussied out as you guys.