by JACK OATMON

There is, and has been since 1926, a no-dancing law in New York City that requires bars to have a special licence to allow dancing. And it’s actually enforced! So here’s my pitch—we lobby local politicians for a “no-not-dancing law,” by which bar owners will need to buy a permit to have wallflowers in their clubs. Not that I’m jumping on the cultural-differentiation bandwagon, because, to be frank, I don’t give a crap what the yankee courts are doing. But, seriously, what are they gonna do next, criminalize smiling and sex after midnight?

Speaking of sex after midnight, a month and a half ago, my friends and I threw a big party as a kind of send-off/triple-birthday celebration. How the sequel to this party turned out to be a benefit thrown by McGill’s CKUT 90.3FM is a bit obscure, but nevertheless, a burly syndicate of resident CKUT DJs will be playing at the fresh, new Centre Fractal, up off Jean-Talon at 7240 Clark on Friday, April 28. Funky house, breaks, drum & bass, trance—all over the shop. Check Poontz, Rhys Taylor, Cyan, Justin Flower and Pat Pourri at Yes!! for $7. All the scrilla goes to the radio station.

Saturday, April 29 will see the first Random party, thrown by some cats who you’ve probably seen destroying some loft or house party around town. Db Vaig, DJ Bind, Kiffah, Dysklo, and Dialect are dragging in breaker General Midi from one of my many former hometowns, Bristol, England, where the DJs don’t take the piss, innit? That’ll be at Alizé. If you’re in more of a strike-a-pose-now-vogue mood on Saturday night, cruise down to Velvet to check out electro sets by Mini, G O’Brian, Axel Klein and X-Cube. For those going all-out Saturday, hop on the bus to Cabane à Sucre Electronik, a wonderful reminder that Piknic Electronik is starting up soon. The shuttle goes at noon from Parc la Fontaine, at Cherrier.

You’re reading this column, so I can only assume you’ve been to le Parking’s Thursday Overdose before. Tonight, April 27, it’s Laurent Garnier spinning under the second-biggest disco ball I’ve ever seen. They finally got some half-decent beer on the $2.50 specials list.

If you’re feeling the consumer itch this week, hook up a copy of Mixes, Chapter One on DFA. Then do what everyone in my building does and play it over and over while you drink espresso and dance in your underwear in the stairwell. Which reminds me… message to Montreal party promoters: throw more pants-less parties!

OFFICER OF THE MINISTRY OF FUNKY, FUNKY SHIT: jack.oatmon@gmail.com

>> Music Listings