Dear Sasha: My question is twofold. As a matter of appearances and personal preference I am a very moral individual. I value charity and am a devout Catholic. However, at some point between the ages of 18 and the age of 28, I came to be very accepting of my sexual deviancy. Although I am comfortable reconciling my bedroom manner with the rest of my life, I find it hard to meet women who share my unique perspective. I am an active member of the Catholic Church and volunteer regularly in charitable organizations. I work in academia.

In the bedroom, however, I am bi-curious, highly submissive and even a bit masochistic. I have a huge foot-fetish and believe that so long is it is consensual and not detrimental to one’s mental or physical health, anything goes in sex. (A Jesuit told me this once, seriously). Are there any venues in which I may discretely explore my sexuality with others while trying to build meaningful, and as moral as possible, relationships?

Secondly, I have been considering an escort for some time. I am single and busy and would like a release. My problem is I have a particular fetish. I love being forced to smell sour, stinky feet while getting a handjob. I also have certain fantasies I like to discuss with the women I am intimate with. It is difficult for me to get aroused unless I know the person well, or can have my particular foot fetish catered to. Any suggestions on escort services or how to approach the matter with existing escort services? —Martin

Dear Martin,
A Catholic with an interest in foot worship, intimacy with men, humiliation and hookers? What the…?

All Jesus joshing aside, it appears that you approach what you do—charity, religion, sex and academia—with care and reflection. This makes you a moral person, period. And it’s not that I’m not ecstatic to hear of a Jesuit priest dispensing sex advice that prioritizes consent, but I think it’s fair to question the validity of the willfully—and often just ostensibly—chaste offering sexual guidance at all. You don’t need to have sex to understand what it is to want intimacy but it does help to be able to articulate what “detrimental to one’s mental or physical health” actually means (some people might even say that celibacy qualifies).

You may be better off taking personal matters to a sex therapist or at least adding one to the glorious concoction that is Martin. Most sex therapists have some realistic experience, and even if they don’t, the foundation of their theoretical knowledge is generally one that is sex positive and orientation inclusive, not up for interpretation. You can’t easily say the same for Catholicism—renegade Romanists and liberals aside.

As for escorts, I can assure you, you would have no trouble finding one to enact your fantasies. A simple search online of local services and a personal correspondence would take care of any particular needs. Finding a life partner will take more effort, but then most people find this to be the case. Norman Prince is the president of Dignity Canada, an organization that works “within and without the Church to promote the full personhood of those who belong to sexual minorities.” Dignity celebrates sexuality “as a gift of God. We believe our loving relationships are intrinsically good, and worthy of recognition as marriage in civil law as well as in the eyes of God.”

Prince says you will not find personals sites exclusive to queer Catholics (I couldn’t find them either. If anyone is aware of any, please let us know). “Neither would I recommend joining Dignity with the express purpose of finding sexual partners,” he says. However, if you are looking for other self-described devout Catholics who have found resolution with their orientation and choices, they are here: www.dignitycanada.org.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM