by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Pascale D

Age: 41

Occupation: Passion Party consultant

Bio: This voluptuous Beaconsfield broad and mother of two first heard about Passion Parties on Dateline NBC a couple years back, after the case of a Texas woman who’d been busted for the gruesome crime of selling dildos to other women in the privacy of their homes went to court. A graphic designer by trade, when Pascale suddenly found herself laid off from her longtime steady gig last summer she decided the time was ripe to start pushing Passion Party products herself. “I realized nobody else was doing this here, and since it’s also a network marketing scheme [read: pyramid], it seemed like a pretty good idea.” Should you and your gal pals want to get together sometime for a riotous hen party to talk, admire and ideally purchase sex toys and the like in a relatively private “fun atmosphere,” Pascale is the chick you’ll wanna contact (www.quebecpassion.yourpassionconsultant.com). “It’s very interesting, you know. You put a bunch of women together in a room, give them a couple drinks, show them these toys and things and suddenly you awaken this sex goddess in them. It’s really something.” She drives a 2001 Chevy Venture minivan.

Her estimate as to how many women she visits who’ve never used a vibrator before: “I’d say out of 15 women, maybe five will have some minor experience with a vibrator, but most are complete vibrator virgins.”

Something you’ve always suspected confirmed: French chicks tend to be more sexually adventurous than their anglo sisters. “Most of the French women I meet already have sex toys, whereas the anglos have never even held one in their hand. You can see when they’re passed around the room, some women don’t even want to touch them, they just pass them to the next person as quickly as possible—not checking out the buttons or anything. Of course, many girls are very curious too.”

Speaking of buttons, are there any gels a chick can slap on to her own special button that’ll increase sensation and possibly make her more orgasmic? “Absolutely, and it’s our very best selling product, called Pure Satisfaction. People swear by it, it makes women who’ve never had an orgasm orgasmic. It’s expensive, almost $50 a bottle, but there are 500 pumps to the bottle, which works out to roughly seven cents an orgasm, and hey, that’s a pretty good deal.”

Are the husbands of her clients generally happy to see their lovers buying dildos, a sort of, “Thank fuckin’ God she’s finally got that thing to shut her up and spare me the burden of having to keep burying my tired bone into the same old dirt mound I’ve been faithfully probing twice a week over the past 16 long years of marriage” kind of thing? “Uh, no, actually, most of the men are pretty excited about it. The whole Passion Party philosophy is you share these toys with your partner.”

Musical preferences: Diana Krall, Alicia Keys, Norah Jones.

Last book read: The Good Girl’s Guide To Bad Girl Sex, by Barbara Keesling.

Words of wisdom: “A boring day is a day lost forever.”

Comments? dimwit@hdot.net