by JACK OATMON

While Bal en Blanc promises to be gigantic, the savvy wastoid has quite a number of options for a grittier, wickeder weekend, at something of a more reasonable budget to boot.

This Friday, April 14, Breakin’ 3 is goin’ down at the SAT. The sounds of the evening go from straight-up breaks earlier on, to full-on drum & bass in the wee hours. Area 51’s breakdancing and visuals on the SAT’s bangin’ LCD projection system make fine accompaniments to the already-formidable crew on the decks. Guests Spacekadet, Murdoch and Fu Ancko wax alongside In da Jungle residents Axionfigga, Galaksy, Nitrous and Pi 67.

On Saturday, the masterminds of NYC label A Touch of Class, Domie Le Touch and Oliver T. Class, return to rock the SAT. The big “Look out!” this weekend, however, goes to Sunday’s demonic, synchronized sonic attack. The invasion force strikes first at Balroom, with the appearance of DJ: Unknown, a New Yorker whose integration of pulsing electro, jazzy vocals, punk edge and a healthy dose of political paranoia make him a definite “Go!”

I recently had a chat with Mr. Unknown, who gave me some fabulous fashion pointers:

Disco Volante: So what colour shoes do you wear?

DJ: Unknown: Quite often I look down and find myself wearing shoes of a mostly blackish nature. Yeah, ’cause you know black is the new black. Black—I find—hides coffee stains very well. When it’s really time to roll hardcore, though, I break out my purple suede Adidas trainers with fluorescent yellow laces. They give you two free glowsticks and a pacifier with every pair.

DV: Right on. What about underwear? Where do you get your underwear?

DJ:U: Gucci. Nobody does man thong like Gucci, baby. I just feel like... Gucci really knows a man’s body. You know... girth, width... length... hmmmm... excuse me for a sec would ya? Be right back.

And if you haven’t already witnessed local badass Sean Kosa karate-chopping through stacks of records, this show is your chance to check out his regular No Excuse Sunday in the newly renovated and surprisingly cool interior of the former le Swimming. His mean collusion between bumping, scratching turntablism and some funky, dancin’ electro tunes give his shit a unique edge. Perks of the night include a free drink with entry, stainless-steel poles en masse for the daring fireman or aspiring exotic dancer, and a reduced ticket fare for those wishing to continue on to Phase Two of Project: Really Hungover on Easter Monday.

I refer, of course, to Tommie Sunshine’s appearance at Stereo later on Sunday night. If you were at the first Voyeur a few months ago, you already know what this guy’s gonna do to the soles of your favorite retro-bowling-shoe-dance-shoes. Romeo Kardec represents too.

If you’ve got any steam left, git yer lyin’ arse over to Club Soda on Wednesday, April 19, to see the U.K.’s electroclash giant, Ladytron.

FIRST WE TAKE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, THEN ON TO THE UNDERWEAR OUTLETS! jack.oatmon@gmail.com

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