M Don’t take on Ghislain Poirier, that’s not nice. Don’t you know the masters—Stanley Clarke, Larry Graham, Bootsy Collins—they all learned how to play bass on an MPC sequencer? Come on! [laughs] [BLEEP!]

F Okay, I’m not only ranting, I’m raving. I’ve been hearing all this nonsense about people telling Andemic to go fuck themselves. Those people should just stick a CORK up their ass. I read up on Andemic and listened to their music and they’re amazing! They’re gonna make it bigger than anybody and the only reason these people are bitching is because they know they will never amount to anything Andemic will achieve. Those people should just be beaten with STICKS. [BLEEP!]

M Can you name two things the world doesn’t need? I can. Cancer and Andemic. Those guys are a bunch of fucking morons. If you’re gonna be an Iron Maiden rip-off act, make sure your singer doesn’t look like Neil Patrick Harris, all right? I hope you guys and your families burn alive and watch each other’s SKIN melting off as you fall to the ground. You guys suck and are a waste of life. Run to the hills, bitch. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, just one last word about the Sainte Catherines. I was at their show and, fuck, man, those guys aren’t punk rock at all. It’s just fucking emo gay disco. [BLEEP!]

M Do you wanna hear some JAZZ? Try 100.7 on the FM dial. Okay, listen to this, baby. Hear it baby, hear it, baby [jazz plays in background]. I’m just chilling, laid back, groovy, baby, groovy. I’m hip. It’s from five to eight every day, Monday to Friday. Oh my God, I can’t believe I’ve just discovered this. It’s been going on all this time and I didn’t know about it. I just happened to fluke on it, just switching the channel up from the Buzz. Oy. [BLEEP!]

F To the person who wanted to know about Jello Biafra and if his spoken word sucks. Well, I heard him before and, yeah, he is just going to rant on and say fuck 20 million times and it’s really, really, really annoying. You won’t be entertained or ENLIGHTENED by his speech as you’d hoped to be. He’s on this big anti-Bush thing which, I suppose, is good. But his whole speech, or whatever you want to call it, is really just an excuse to slag everyone who’s ever fucked him over. And it is littered with these plays on words that were mostly BOOGER HUMOUR and poopy jokes. I feel sorry for him because he has to make money somehow and he’s apparently been fucked over by everyone, or so he says. But my advice is, if you go see him, bring earplugs. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is in response to the person who was asking what indie music is. It’s a really VAGUE answer that I’m about to give. Incidentally, my name is Beaver and I’ve been branded a number of things, from crazy electro-acoustic rock ’n’ roll to lesbian Megadeth kind of stuff but, in the end, I’m actually an indie artist. And WHAT IT MEANS TO BE INDIE is to sound like anything and everything you wanna be. You just have to be as honest as possible. If you can be honest, you can twiddle with your fucking pubic hairs—so long as you’re honest doing it, you’re indie. All right? Say hi to all your friends for me. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the guy hating people who eat healthy in public. What? To begin, not every CONSCIOUS person is a hippie and vice versa. More than reasons of compassion for other creatures and for the health of your own body, it’s important to eat less meat as it’s the number one reason for global warming. Our place on the food chain only really applies if you’re fending for yourself in the bush. But we’re an evolving humanity that should look past our caveman conditioning. Either way, to each their own and live and let live. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the HIPPIE COW who left a rant about the meat-eater sitting on the bowl wishing for a fart. I’ll tell you one thing, man, I bet all you hippies lock yourselves in the closet and eat raw meat and then cry. And, by the way, I have another message for you: why don’t you go shave your armpits? [BLEEP!]

M I mean, what the fuck is wrong with sitting on the toilet for an hour a day? I’m a fucking vegetarian and I sit on the toilet for an hour a day because I fucking like it on the toilet, you stupid fucking hippies! [BLEEP!]

F To the anti-meat ranter. Actually, it’s the opposite. When you eat veggies and fruit, you have gas all day and you have FARTS, as you call them—just like the COWS. Gas all day. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, I got an idea. Why don’t all the 30-something slackers in the Mile-End just get off their ass and build a WALL around the hood so that loudmouth McGill drunks and wannabe scenester bitches can’t get in. It’ll be kind of like apartheid or the shit in Israel. Then all the communists from Concordia can come over and protest and make documentary films and shit, but leave! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum