Keys, please

Having a grand time at piano bars
around Montreal

by JOHN CUSTODIO

I love piano bars, always have. Long before I’d set foot into my first one (the Château Granville in Vancouver, where “Doc Fingers” is probably still playing), I’d already developed rich fantasies around them.

I’m a businessman at the end of a long day. I’ve missed my train, but I’m in no rush to go home. My wife’s a shrew, my kids are delinquents, and my boss just told me I have to meet my quota this month or it’s back to pushing pencils in accounting. I need a drink.

I pop into my favourite hotel bar and take my usual spot next to the piano. A bump from behind and an, “Oh, beg your pardon.” I recognize her. The new girl in the secretary pool? I can’t be sure. “Can I join you,” she asks. Why not? As she squeezes in next to me, I catch Bobby, the pianist, smirking as he launches into a pointed rendition of “Love for Sale.”

Or, I’m a private eye, looking for a chump-change hoodlum who’s been putting the squeeze on my client. If anyone knows where Rocky is, it’s Carmen. Even in this dim light, I can see she’s doped up.

“Where is he, Carmen? I know you know.”

“Let go! You’re hurting me,” she says. A table of wiseguys gets up, but she cools them down. “It’s alright, fellas, he’s a friend.” She turns to me with an urgent, frightened look in her eyes. “I have to play my set. Stay.” Smart girl, Carmen—even this stoned, she really knows how to communicate through song. “Lover Man,” followed by “I Cover the Waterfront” and “Round Midnight.” She couldn’t have done better if she’d drawn me a map.

Or, I’m a cute chorus boy with a tight butt and a dramatic tenor’s range. Smiling at me from across the piano is an older gentleman I know only by reputation. He’s a producer—now’s my chance. I’ve been working on this number all week, and I think I’ve nailed it. It even earned a compliment from my less than supportive vocal coach. He said it was the first time he really believed what I was singing. “The minute you walked in the joint...”

Everything but Celine

Okay, so my idea of piano bars is a little skewed by film and television, but that’s how I fell in love with them in the first place. I’m happy to report, however, that with a little imagination—and a lot of martinis—you too can live these fantasies, and you don’t even have to leave Montreal.

Remember the movie Hotel, in which Carmen McRae herself presided over the piano bar? We don’t have anything like that here. The closest we get is the Voyageurs Bar at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel (900 René-Lévesque W.). Prices are steep, but you’re paying for swank, and you get it. Gerry Pucci, their cocktail-hour pianist, has been there for two decades now, and he’s a class act. He used to be Ginette Reno’s accompanist. He plays ragtime, jazz, classical, show tunes, you name it. Go ahead, try and stump him. While you’re at it, get the bartender Carlos to make you one of his famous Give Peace a Chance martinis, so named to commemorate John and Yoko’s bed-in, which took place upstairs.

Also in the downtown core is Hotel de la Montagne’s le Cabaret (1430 de la Montagne). If understated elegance bores you, try this place. Liberace would have fit in well here, with its fountain and oversized sculptures. You’re more likely to meet locals than tourists or conventioneers at this bar—regulars tend to work in offices nearby. The musical fare is mostly predictable, albeit pleasant enough. When I asked Plinio, the manager, what the specialty drink was, he boasted that they had none.

If you’re in Old Montreal, definitely check out the Intercontinental’s le Cristallin (360 St-Antoine W.), where the delightful Mélanie Guay can be heard Thursdays and Fridays from 5 to 8 p.m. She plays mostly standards, but you can earn brownie points by asking her to play one of her own lovely, atmospheric compositions. They go well with the bar’s cocktail specialty, the Kir MontRoyal, a bubbly combination of champagne, chambord and cranberry juice. I asked Melanie if there were any requests she would refuse to play, and her response endeared her to me. “‘My Heart Will Go On,’” she replied without missing a beat. Not even for Ms. Dion herself. You gotta respect that.

Mojito-vation

A few blocks away is the charming Stash Café (200 St-Paul W.). It’s not really a piano bar, but pianist Nicolas Hébert is almost as big a draw as the hearty Polish cuisine. (Try the pierogis—they're excellent, especially washed down with one of their specialty vodkas.) Hébert's repertoire includes much more contemporary content (Coldplay, Radiohead), and he’s given more leeway than most hotel pianists, so you’re more likely to hear the theme from The Simpsons than “The Theme From The Summer of ’42.”

Venture eastward to the Gay Village and you’ll find, on Sunday evenings, a far too well-kept secret at Gotha Lounge (1641 Amherst), Luke Sandford. A veteran of Manhattan’s piano-bar scene, having played for years at Rose’s Turn, Marie’s Crisis and the Townhouse, Luke has a repertoire more exhaustive and varied than most karaoke catalogues. He plays show tunes, of course, but also Madonna, Nirvana and Malajube. He really impressed me, though, when he played Pierre Lapointe. Ask him to play the novelty number he calls “Stairway to Gilligan,” in which the lyrics to the Gilligan’s Island theme are sung to the tune of “Stairway to Heaven.”

Gotha is the closest thing Montreal has to the classic sing-along piano bar. The sing-along aspect hasn’t caught on—yet. I plan to change that, but to summon up that kind of courage, I’ll need more than a few of bartender Steve’s excellent mojitos.

Rumour has it that another gay piano bar will be opening up in the Village soon, but meanwhile, serious jazz heads have to head back west to—where else?—Upstairs Bar & Grill (1254 Mackay), where proprietor Joel Giberovitch is planning to make Tuesday nights all piano, all the time, though he hastens to make the distinction between his establishment, where music and performance are the main attraction, and hotel lobby bars, where they’re meant to be relatively inconspicuous. Pianists he plans to feature include Manon Robert, Nathalie Renault, Ernie Nelson, and Jennifer Gasoi.

Piano bars aren’t for everyone, but if you want live music that’s intimate without being obtrusive—if, that is, you want to be able to hear yourselves speak—it’s the best bet for your entertainment dollar. And who knows? You might luck out. A decade ago at the Café Sarajevo, you’d have been able to hear Rufus Wainwright for free.