Dear Sasha: One thing that I’ve noted in my mid-age is that whenever I perform cunnilingus I get more aroused than when my partner performs fellatio on me. I get so aroused that I often come—and the orgasms are wonderfully intense and transcendent. I am circumcised and I fail to feel any stimulation no matter what my partner does. Is this mind over matter? I came, pardon the pun, late to the game of oral sex and I enjoy giving it more than receiving it. Is this common? —A Pleased Cunning Linguist

Dear Pleased,
When it comes to oral, giving and getting are two totally different experiences, even when applied to the same genitals. Preparing a meal is much different than eating one, but for many people it offers as much if not more pleasure. Persevering with the old food and sex analogy, it’s not hard to see why oral sex turns you on to orgasm. I can hardly think of anything on this Earth that was created with eating in mind more than the vagina. When sound, it has all the qualities of the most delicious foods: salty, chewy, slippery, a bit acidic. And no need to mind your manners, so you can get right in there without a napkin and utensils. Seriously, wouldn’t you come in your pants if you could eat all your meals lying down and rubbing your cock on a mattress?

Dear Sasha: As a former art-school girl, I must say I was taken aback by your comments when recommending the film Art School Sluts [March 16], particularly the line, “As anyone who’s had relations with art-school girls will tell you, this film could have gone horribly wrong.” I think I was a pretty talented and interesting lover and still am. What gives you the right to make wholesale remarks about art-school girls? —Mindy

Dear Mindy,
Oh come on, are you kidding me? Do you not have one mortifying recollection about being ridiculously serious about your “Work”? Do you not recall foisting your poetry/paintings/photos on some poor guy/girl knowing in retrospect they were sitting there thinking, “Yes yes, horror vacui. Now shut up so I can take your pants off!”? Honestly.

Sex toy study

The University of Michigan’s Department of Public Health recently conducted the first academic study involving sex toy use. Though they didn’t send their findings out in a press release, the information’s been posted online and criticized by sex researchers and activists like Cory Silverberg, a co-owner of Come As You Are, and Dr. Petra Boynton, a sexual psychologist in the U.K. who also specializes in research methodologies.

The survey, done over the phone in the Seattle area and narrowed down from a pool of 37,000 random numbers to 1,114 people, linked sex toy use with STI risk. Nearly 30 per cent of the respondents who used sex toys also claimed to use recreational drugs for sexual enhancement and had multiple partners—two behaviours that put people at risk for STIs.

This information is disquieting, inflammatory and misrepresentative. First of all, who the hell conducts sex surveys over the phone? Dr. Boynton suggests that this is a totally unethical way to garner intimate information. You offer people no support once you’re done going through their personal lives, and it doesn’t really give you a random sample, it just tells you that certain people are more willing to pick up the phone and answer personal questions from strangers. It also assumes a lot about people with multiple partners. The surveyors didn’t ask people about their STI status, they simply linked behaviours, when really, you could just as easily assume that people who have multiple partners and are willing to be open about their sexual practices are as conversant with sexual protection.

One of the things that galls Silverberg most about the study is this: It assumes that people who use sex toys are a homogenous group. We are not, and some of us, most I would hazard to guess, do not want to talk about our sex lives (or anything else for that matter) with strangers on the telephone. “This is what happens when researchers who don’t know a lot about something start asking questions,” says Silverberg. “But,” he adds with a note of optimism, “at least they decided to ask about sex toys.”

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM