by SARAH ROWLAND

One jackass mayor who ignores all the signs that something is amiss because he doesn’t want to rock the boat before the next election. A trigger-happy posse made up of ignorant hicks who don’t realize that what they’re hunting down is smarter than them. A blonde damsel who, when put to the test, is anything but helpless...

All the comedy horror regs are here in full force. Unfortunately, Slither just isn’t all that funny. But the monster is just ludicrous enough to put a smirk on your face.

Starla (Elizabeth Banks) is the small-town teacher everyone’s sweet on (we know this because the camera pans down to her ass in her first scene, then cuts to her male students’ bulging eyes). But no one is more smitten than the lovesick police chief (Nathan Fillion). He’s carried a torch for Starla most of his life—this despite the fact that she’s married to one of the richest and most powerful men in town, Grant (Michael Rooker). And Grant? Well, he’s more than a little sexually frustrated because his trophy bride is too tired to put out on the weekdays. He’s also the poor sap who stumbles upon an extraterrestrial creature that proceeds to burrow its way into his brain cavity—effectively turning Grant into a tentacled creature dead-set on wiping out the human race.

As you can imagine, morphing into a man-eating land squid causes tension in Starla and Grant’s already strained marriage. Adding to their marital problems, Grant knocks up the town ho, who in turn, gives birth to thousands of killer, souped-up slugs. Now it’s up to Starla and the police chief to stop these slippery mutants from taking over the world.

Writer/director James Gunn (Dawn of the Dead remake) delivers the kind of ridiculous comedy that makes you laugh out loud (on occasion)—despite your better judgement. And much in the same vein as Tremors, the entire cast has a really good grasp on what film they’re in. But unlike Ron Underwood’s 1990 comedy horror, there is no scene-stealing Kevin Bacon serving up Southern-fried one liners. Furthermore, Gunn’s script never quite follows through on all the hilarity it keeps promising.

Slither opens Friday, March 31

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