Dear Sasha: Before leaving Florida, my wife would only want to have sex once a month or when she was drunk. For the last two years it was a constant struggle to deal with not having sex for two or three months, even on good months where we didn’t argue or fight. We decided to move back to Canada after six years in Florida. I moved up first to establish a new job and home while living with friends. After I’d been gone for three months she became interested in sex again, but not with me.

She is interested in a co-worker who was helping out in my house in Florida, cutting grass and other small tasks. Since then my wife has kissed him and is sexually attracted to him, but doesn’t want anything else. They are interested in going a few steps forward and have asked my approval. The co-worker has also asked for permission from his wife, who cried for two days straight and doesn’t want anything to do with my wife anymore (as friends).

I think it may be good for her to explore and find herself, but at what cost is this being done? It seems that I was the reason my wife didn’t want to have sex and now that I’m gone she has her mojo back. Should I give approval to this situation? What questions should I be asking? Is it time to move on? —Kevin

Dear Kevin,
What we have here is the worst case scenario version of the old chestnut put forth in stand-up comedy routines and Canadian Tire ads in which men simply refuse to read instructions.

To clarify: when someone wants to have sex with you every couple of months or only when they’re wasted, it means they don’t want to have sex with you anymore. When someone starts fooling around with the handyman while you’re out of town, it means they don’t want to have sex with you anymore. I support open relationships, but if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a jillion times: starting one up when your wife only wants to fuck shitfaced other than when she’s banging the poolboy is not an open relationship, it’s a short story by Jay McInerney. Bringing a relationship to a new place is always challenging, but I would also be concerned about an affair where the other person’s partner was crying for two days when she found out about it. Now you’re just asking to be featured on an episode of Cops yelling at deputies in your undershirt.

You seem determined to be understanding, but sometimes in relationships you lose sight of what’s good for you because you’re so busy trying to save the alliance. Do you really enjoy waiting for months for an inebriated screw? Is that what’s good for Kevin? Something to consider while you’re looking over books like Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt’s The Ethical Slut and the extensive poly resources at www.xeromag.com/fvpolylinks.html.

Dear Sasha: I am a young, sexually adventurous female with a raging libido, but I have serious trouble reaching climax! I rarely come when pleasured by another, no matter how hot the sex or how skilled the partner. I’d love to be able to come in any kind of position, but even when I masturbate, I know that I have a limited number of ways of getting myself off—for example, I can’t come by fingering myself, but I can if I hump a pillow. I’ve tried every suggestion, but I can’t seem to make myself more orgasmic. I envy my friends who can come hard up to three times over the course of a half-hour pounding. Help! —Cece

Dear Cece,
As The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex says, “We live in a competitive society, and we need encouragement before we can appreciate our own unique responses.” Let me offer you some: any woman who can come humping a pillow should be doing porn. The real trouble is not your orgasmic aptitude, but rather the fact that you’ve fetishized certain types of orgasm to the point of antagonism. As the Guide also says, “When you focus on the end result of a sexual experience, you run the risk of rushing past or even denying yourself some of the more subtle pleasures along the way." In other words, don’t forget the journey when you’re barrelling towards your destination.

Got any questions for Sasha? Email: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM